“To My Healing Heart” (A Poem for Self-Love)

To Dallin’s Heart,

Oh boy.

I’m sorry guys. You’ve always tried so hard for me.

You are so precious, so precious —
And yet I took you out with the garbage

You guys all didn’t know how beautiful you all were.
I questioned your beauty until beauty itself was questioned.

Ouch.

That was wrong.
I compared myself to others until it seemed all hope was gone.

Hope was always there, she was close by, door open wide
But in this life you can choose to trust Hope, or hide

In the darkest night you will always still have a choice —
You can run towards the light, or listen to another voice

The light helps you to have sight —
Giving you comfort, safety, and space in this fight

You’ve always fought like a warrior, Dallin, done what was hard
Did so much, so in your hand you could hold a good card

And now you realize how good that card has always been —
It’s kept you strong, and saved you again and again

Only God and you know far you have truly ran —
He knows perfectly when this journey began

Every deep, deep scripture study
Every studying like crazy, losing-your-mind-all-nighter

Every time you said “no” when you meant to say “yes”
Every time you still fought valiantly forward — for you are a fighter

Know your joy was never fake —
Even when you made a mistake.

For what joy is on the other side
When you learn how to better ride the ride?

When the seat that was covered in thorns —
Is not the place where you sit your tush

When you are willing to stop and give yourself grace
Before the best joys of life, away from you push

You didn’t know how things might work out
That’s kind of what life is all about

You get to choose a lot of how you will direct the train
And when you really mess up — there can be a lot of pain

More than surgery needs to start
When you treat despitefully your precious heart

When you throw it to the curb
And leave it in the hurricane to die

You know there are going to be repercussions
And many times all you wanted to do was cry

But your life has continued
It has not slowed down

Even though you have cried much
Deep down in your soul is a smile, not a frown

It’s a smile that your life is infinitely worthwhile
It’s a smile that is because of who you are

A smile that will take you to places with beauty untold
A smile that will change your life — because you now choose to be bold

It has taken time
Know I will embrace you in this climb

As long as it takes
Over mountains and ocean’s wakes

These all are telling you what you’ve always heard
That you’re a eagle — that deep inside you is a bright, majestic bird —

Mighty to swing your wings to and fro
Mighty to soar wherever you want to go

When someone told you that was untrue
You never had to trust their skewed view

Know that I would do anything for you
That was not the case before —

But now it is true.

It’s taken me a long time to be able to say this —

I love all of you.

Love,

Dallin