I Write Better When I’m Angry
I hate being angry.
But even more, I hate that I write better when I’m angry.
Oh! How fluidly the words will come, and how rapidly my trembling fingers will fly across my keyboard.
I never know what to do with anger. As a child, I would cry, because it was such a heavy emotion for me to carry — still is — and I wouldn’t know how to handle it.
Now, the only way to calm my racing heart is to whip open my laptop and just write whatever words come to mind. Not once did it ever occur to me that this habit is positive. No, to me, it’s uncomfortable.
One of my best essays which got me a scholarship in a renowned US university was written in anger.
The grant proposal I wrote for an aunt that got her more money than I can pronounce was written in anger — she was getting on my nerves that period.
Most of my ghostwriting work that gets the best reviews are also the ones I wrote in, you guessed it, anger!
And it’s a little funny because I only just realised this recently when my sister and I got into an argument that made me see red. Without thinking, I slammed my bedroom door shut and yanked my laptop open so hard the screen almost came off.
I was almost halfway into a totally unrelated mystery short story when I became conscious of what was happening. I realized with some horror that words were flowing out of me effortlessly. Nothing like the regular large block that was threatening to be my constant writing companion.
I don’t know why I was built this way! Why I can’t channel a more positive emotion to get the results that anger produces. And it’s pretty ironic that pasted on my wall, in bold colourful letters is the first thing you see when you walk into my room;
“Nothing good comes from ANGER”
It’s not like I have anger issues or anything. If I did, I’d have a plethora of written masterpieces. No, it’s quite the opposite. I barely get upset, or angry, and I like to think of myself as naturally chill. So when something is bad enough to get me angry, well, I don’t know what else to do but write.
Before, I used to do it almost unconsciously; possibly because writing is one of my favourite things to do, and is a calming activity for me. Kind of like a safe space.
Now, I intentionally write when I’m angry because I know that not only would something good come out of it, but I would also calm down almost instantly. If I tried to explain it, I’d say probably the heightened emotions seemed to clear away the mental clutter, allowing me to focus intensely, without even realizing it.
Since you’re enjoying this, you’ll love;
But anger is a very unsustainable source of inspiration for me because I hate being angry. It’s not a pleasant experience for me — or anyone, I’m sure — and I don’t want to have to wait until I’m angry to write good pieces. So whatever mumbo-jumbo magic is going on in my head when I’m angry that makes me write a lot better needs to reveal itself.
But until I figure it out, I’ll just console myself with the cool fact that anger has unlocked a level of clarity and focus I didn’t know I had.
I don’t really know how to end this piece, because I just randomly started writing it, so I’ll say this;
Next time you’re angry, or very emotional, channel that energy into something productive.
Write, create, build.
Your brain might surprise you too.
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