Google 2.0: Innovating Search and Removing the Extra Dan Conways
If you are arrested for indecency, viciously demoted at work or purchase a super saver case of Captain’s Vodka at Stop and Shop on Tuesday morning it is memorialized on Google. But after an exhaustive self audit, I’m far more concerned about the information Google does not track about me, including:
I won the Presidential Fitness Award in fifth grade.
Only a couple of kids at school got this auto-signed certificate from President Reagan. I’d like that certificate back and I’d like Google to feature this information on its Web site and in any newsletters it publishes and distributes to its members and affiliates.
In ancient times, I gave media interviews.
I used to go on record. Either the machines or the people at Google don’t find my statements particularly interesting.
My college grades.
Yes, I excelled. Am I a genius? That’s not for me to decide. Better left for others to discuss on Google-sponsored message boards and forums.
And I’d also like Google to exclude the other Dan Conways.
Inclusion of these individuals muddies search results and confuses me and my family. Plus, what a bunch of losers.
This situation is doubly painful because each featured Dan Conway is a more soulful, prosperous or good looking version than mine.
This Dan Conway is an obvious bad-ass who has built a financial strategy around small bicycles:
I might like this guy if I met him. As currently constituted, he is a threat.
This Dan Conway appears to be a spiritual leader:
I served a year in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps after college and now give a little money to charity. The look in The Good Steward’s eyes tells me I’m going to hell.
This Dan Conway is a singer/songwriter and Rob Lowe lookalike:
For a brief period, I looked a little like Jason Priestly. No, Google doesn’t feature any of those photos.
As we look to the next innovation of the Google platform — I’ve been calling it Google 2.0- it is critical that we crowdsource and innovate TOGETHER. Let’s double down on what’s most important and get it done:
Shared Values.
Focus on the Right Dan Conway.
Use the photo from 1991.
Highlight the joke from tennis camp.
Locate and promote the Presidential Fitness Award.
Thanks for listening. If you follow me on Medium, you won’t need Google. And please hit ❤ if you thought this story was redeeming in any way.
Some other stuff:
