The Dog Diet

I am the inventor of the Dog Diet. It is absolutely guaranteed to help you loose weight. My lawyer requires me to say: it is not guaranteed to sustain life.

Here we go.

It helps if you have an official Dog Diet tray. It has all these instructions on it so you won’t forget. But any large tray will suffice.

Start with a large piece of meat. No less than one pound. A nice Porterhouse steak or T-bone grilled to perfection with aroma that permeates the entire house or back yard will do. Prime rib is also allowed. But don’t forget, a large piece. Put this on the tray.

Now you need something starchy, a large bowl of rice with butter, or a large plate of mashed potatoes will do, but a couple baked potatoes with sour cream and a big gob of butter is preferred. Put this on the tray.

Desert, oh yes desert. No chocolate…sorry. You need a good size serving of frosted cake or pie. Half a pie or cake will do, but a full cake or pie is highly preferred. Don’t forget a full can of whipped cream on the pie! None of that Uncool Whip stuff for this diet! Ice cream goes nicely with either. Put it all on the tray.

We mussn’t forget our veggies. A little dinky bowl of salad with some really raunchy diet dressing. Put it on the tray.

Now put the tray on the floor and call your dog over. What the dog won’t even touch…That’s what you get to eat.

Remember, no chocolate!! Or else you will have to answer to the S.P.C.A.