Our inner self critic : understanding, experiencing and overcoming the invisible side of ourselves that no one sees

We all have inside us different voices that influence which version of ourselves appear in our lives. One of these voices is the inner self ‘Critic’- the pessimist.

This inner self-critic is built from a combination of our natural personality traits, developed individual values and conditioned judgements we have acquired through our lives. This is also combined with what we have established as our expectations of ourselves and the world around us.

Because a lot of us are taught and conditioned from a young age by the society that our worth/value comes from what things we do, how well we do it and how others judge us. Along with the quantity of the things we do and acquire in our lives.

We are left with an internal conflict between who we are and what the external influences tell us, and we choose to adopt.

From this, we have developed a culture and mental state/addiction to busyness. Distracting ourselves by attaching ourselves to externals, which leads us chasing a never-ending cycle of ‘Musterbation’.

“Musterbation is a term coined by a famed psychologist — Dr Albert Ellis, to describe the phenomenon whereby people live by a set of absolute and unrealistic demands that they place in themselves, others and the world.”

This then becomes the evidence for our mind of quantifying our value in the world and in-turn how we develop the judgement of our self-worth.

Here is a song expressing what the ‘inner self critic’ feel like :

The birth and growth of our inner self-critic

By looking outside ourselves for validation, acceptance and worth, the external world and our inner world becomes overwhelmed with external noise and information. Creating a stunting of the growth of our unique inner voice which holds the real truth and value of who and what we are.

So many people live their lives base on what the external world and other people tell them they are and this feeds and grows the critic with more criteria to judge ourselves, in a pessimistic way leading to low self-esteem and chronic anxiety throughout the world on a deeply individual level.

In fact, the reality is we don’t need the external world to tell us who we are, what our value is or how we should be.

We don’t have to be busy or place your value and self-worth on the external world and how others see us. Ignore them as it doesn’t matter what other people or the external world thinks. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is can you live with and at peace with yourself.

So many people are not at peace, because they are fighting with themselves, but we are only a moment from realising we always have the power to choose differently.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them” — Albert Einstein

In the struggle to tame the critic, we encounter a lot of inner conflicts where we face a constant flow of negative internal self-judgment, doubt and repeat feelings of worthlessness. All fed by our addiction to social media and need to be liked, accepted and validated by the external world instead of just from ourselves.

This is the battle of our Nature (who we truly are) vs. Nurture (external world influences). This is the conflict that creates the most tension and pain when trying to shift away from the critic. This is because we are forced to reflect (see ourselves) and choose objectivity and honestly who, what and why we are for ourselves probably for the first time in our lives.

Shifting from dependence on externals to independence of self-acceptance.

Experiencing the shift creates these pains as we begin to see our true nature conflicting with our learnt nurture, being told by the external world that we had to become and be someone else to be accepted and valued. Which is how we become to define ourselves and our place in the world.

This, in turn, our critic creates our false external persona which is kept in check by the influence of the external world, along with our constant pattern of pessimistic self-judgement leading to chronic low self-worth.

Until we reach a point where we come to a dead stop and realise we can’t do or be this anymore. We can’t begin to see our learnt behaviours that have come to define us and in-turn realise that’s not who we truly are.

We aren’t born this way, we learnt it. The external world told us that we had to be this way and do these things to become accepted, valued and successful. Else you are worthless.

We are all taught that way and is part of our Nurture and life conditioning. We are defined by our perceived success, what we wear, what we have, what we do, our status and what others think of us. Then we take all that into ourselves and this is the birth and conditioning of the critic.

Our way of interpreting value has been defined and maintained by the external world’s judgment of us and in-turn how our inner critic confirms it to continue the need for external; validations.

This is then managed by our critic to repeat the same internal mental patterns and thinking, telling ourselves that if we don’t continue to do and be what the world tells us to be, we are a nothing.

This pattern becomes the core principle where our critic comes in and draws strength, and where we become our own worst enemy. Like an invisible internal drill instructor constantly reinforcing the mental patterns which defines the critic and who we are in our lives.

Here is a song that express what the ‘birth and growth of our inner critic’ feels like :

Beginning the shift

If we begin to shift our perspective from our critic (pessimistic view), towards the more realistic view. We realise that all this external attachment and constant focus outside ourselves feeds the critic and this results in living, acting and viewing ourselves from this pessimistic perspective.

All we need to do is recognise this pattern as it happens, and at that moment we begin to awaken from our critic’s control over us and we begin to gain control of it.

Here is a song expressing what the ‘beginning of the shift’ feels like :

Cultivating our Observer

The real truth is that we all have within us the ability to grow out of the critic mindset and are ready to free ourselves, if only we choose to and commit to seeing ourselves and the world from a more optimistic and realistic perspective.

The moment of change comes when we give up and ‘just do it’ and choose not to cast negative judgement on ourselves, by treating ourselves with kindness and letting go of the pressures we put on ourselves to achieve things immediately.

Here is a song expressing what the ‘Cultivating our observer’ feels like :

Detaching from expectations

Everyone is on their unique journey through life that is unique to them and we need to take our own time. Each of us needs to allow ourselves to be part of our journey, and not condition ourselves to control it and ourselves based on the will and influence of others and the external world.

It’s not a one size fits all path that we all follow and need to pass through. It’s not about how fast, well or impressive we go through our journeys. It about being present in the moment and paying attention to life happening around us and through us.

It’s about embracing our uniqueness as it is, not as others judge it as. Including the inner self-critic that reaffirms our pessimistic view of ourself and our perceived self-worth.

We need to be patient and don’t expect ourself to have the answers straight away to everything, especially about ourselves because no one does. Answers come when we grow and they reveal themselves to us when we are open to them and build our ability to observer ourselves in a more positive and realistic perspective.

It’s not like we all go on a course and everyone gets all the answers to life and we are all in competition to become the best, fastest, biggest and most impressive thing. And it is our fault if we are too weak and lazy to living up to this unrealistic perceived person we all should be.

We all go through our journey, pick up lessons and answers along the way that are specific to us if we learn to pay attention. If we learn to allow ourselves to go through the motions of our lives at its own pace, we will find that we become at peace with ourselves and our lives.

Here is a song expressing what ‘detaching from expectations’ feels like :

Building a healthy relationship with ourselves

A core component to overcoming our critic is to become our own best friend, not our own worst enemy. We all need to turn that critical voice off and listen to our other voice of positive compassion and the message of ‘you are enough’ and ‘you can do it’. No matter what the external world keeps trying to reinforce in you.

Our own best friend has always been there, it’s just a matter of choosing to listen to that side of us and letting the voice of the critic to lessen over time.

Here is a song expressing what it feels like ‘building a healthy relationship with ourselves’ :

Conclusion

So, the question is; Are we going to continue to listen to the negative voice of self-doubt and criticism or the voice of self-belief and positivity that can grow into our source of positive internal energy/strength taking us forward into your bright future?

Always remember to be kind to yourself and from there, the changes you are looking for will begin to happen in their own time.

“You don’t set out to build a wall.

You don’t say ‘Im going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that’s ever been built.’ You don’t start there.

You say ‘Im going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid.’

You do that every single day and soon you will have a wall”

— Will Smith