As A.. Jason Statham I Want To.. Become A Startup’s Product Manager
Everyone talks about product management tools and methods. But I think being a PM at a startup is much like driving a burning vehicle, while someone is trying to kill you. Here we go…
Imagine you are Jason, a PM at a startup. The main character of your own story (pun intended).
The R&D manager gives you a car, it’s state-of-the-art and you feel like you are going to win this time. You start your drive with a route in mind, you have a goal to be the hero and know exactly how you plan to get there.
The phone rings, it’s the CEO: “Jason, a change of plans. I kidnapped your girl. If you ever wanna see her alive meet me at the docks tonight at 10 pm.” (Hangs up!)
You have no choice and now you need to turn around and start driving to the docks. Sweat starting to drop on the side of your chick…. Next to you, another car is driving. You can’t see the driver’s face clearly but it’s definitely after you.
Jason! behind you! that’s the Customer Success Manager (CSM) shooting at you from behind making you feel sorry for every single life choice you’ve made. Wait, what?? In the car next to you it’s the Product Marketing Manager (PMM) she needs you to explain to her in real time, while you are dodging bullets exactly how you solved the CSM problem. And she will later meet you at the docks to present to the CEO how you did this together.
Look to the other side, it’s your Sales Representative (SDR) in a shielded car slamming into yours, forcing you to go through the woods. You are now on a different route, still going the same direction but this time on an unmanned road.
Oh Shit! look at the dashboard, the KPI Metrics are horrible, no fuel left in the tank, and the engine is overheated. You must keep going. Keep on f@#king drive!
You’re out of the woods and back on the highway going to save your girl…
SHIT SHIT SHIT! In front of you, you see your Competitor coming from afar, and you know they are about to block your way. You must get your gun and put them down.
You open your glove box and see a note from the IT department: “We didn’t have the budget for a gun so here’s a toy gun instead”
That’s it. You're done. You can forget about being the hero... the R&D Manager suggests you leave the car there for repair, and it will take about 8450 men hours! If you want… you can have a bicycle, not ideal but a good workaround for you to use and get to your girl. You hear the QA guy yelling something, but you can’t really hear nor have time to listen…
Techcrunch news is reporting about some crazy guy making a lot of mess and driving against the mainstream. You decide to ignore it and keep on driving.. you have to get to your girl!
SOMEHOW you got to the end of the road, all sweaty and bloody.. you feel like you’re about to die. You got to your girl on time, you learned a lot, and next time you’ll come prepared (yeah, right..)
You’ve managed to juggle in the jungle while meeting people who go only by acronyms... R&D, CEO, CSM, PMM, SDR, KPI, IT, QA, competitors, and global trends.
It’s now Friday and you deserve a beer. But the scriptwriter has other plans for you… see you at the squall…. next week we’re back to the beginning.
