An ungendered monologue for the brokenhearted fellow in lavender, pink and Blue.

“Gender is just but a societal social construct”

Here we go!

Your tender and softer kisses turned bitter tears into joy for me that was blindly in love. It is somewhat true when they say love is blind.I was blinded by the fact that your sweet words gave me a hope that indeed you were different from the rest.

I will not want to liken you to others because I never wanted a perfect being. I wanted you to show me your flows; that is why I never answered that silly question you asked of ‘what type of person I was looking for’. This is simple: people will create a script to act on based on the description of the type of person you are looking for.- Life dear child is too short to live with such a façade.

I had dreams that you and I could be more than what meets the naked eye. I gave you my all when you asked and even went an extra mile when you did not even notice. But you my darling mistook my kindness for weakness. I must have been too naive and stupid but this is true; a part of me, wanted you to know that love is not the 4 letters L-O-V-E but it is you and I souls intertwined.

Picture this!

Here I was giving you my body, soul, heart, and mind but your heart was not into it. You were just a bag of empty promises. I don’t regret the times I spent with you neither will I complain of your inadequacy but will say thank you for making me realize 101 ways a person can be in love and hurt at the same time. There is indeed a thin line between love and hurt.

Let me be selfish. I must agree, I wanted your innocence, your purity, and flaws. I wanted a complete being who would complement my inadequacies. But was that too much to ask for, that you had to jump right on the next wagon that came your way? Anyway, I do not blame you that your needs became parallel with what I could offer but I blame myself for not allowing you to see the potential that was you and I.

Let me take a deep breath!

How can this be? I called you my lifeline. The very true essence of my existence. When you came into my life, you swept me off my feet. Your proposal I could not refuse but like a young stud, I obliged to your daunting yet charmful smiles. You were all that I could ever dream of. Your voice- Sweeter to the ears, your walk- Graceful and composed like a Swan, your body- well toned and my greatest muse, Your eyes- told stories of a thousand rivers. I knew you were the one when my two eyes locked with yours that my heart skipped a beat. I could not contain myself- My guard was broken and my resolve not to love again crumbled. I was hurt many times but yours was a kind of different feeling.

You told me that you loved me and that I was all you ever needed and loved. Your words kept on resounding in my ears. I know it is cheesy but yes like Madonna I also felt like a virgin touched for the very first time when I fell for your resolve- who wouldn’t. You indeed were and still is a person and a half (Wink). When our bodies touched- our hearts, souls, and mind intertwined. Our bond was stronger when two life forms touched- that in the realm of the spirit I could feel our bond bound but alas your actions left me with a broken and stone cold heart.

Pheeewww!

Here I am standing at the crossroads confused. All that you said was just sweet talk. Your tongue is sharper than any double-tongued serpent. You broke my heart and failed to fulfill your promises. Yes, I sound morbid but what did I not give you? My body? My Soul? My Heart? Or my Mind? It hurts because the very sweet words that swept me off my feet became the nails that pierced my heart and reduced me to dross. And know this for sure that, that very night, I cried and yearned that you would be more truthful to who you truly are- A person with mixed emotions who if only they could embrace who they are, would find bliss and enjoyment on this journey called life.

Oh my, here we go again!

You know what? Call me crazy but at times I still want your love and affection. YES! We have agreed that you have moved on and have found that one person who can satisfy and give you pleasure more than I could. But hey I always see how you look at me with the burning desire of regret in your eyes. It might just be my infatuation or I still hold on to the dream that you and I are souls intertwined.