I’d Like to Hate Him, But I Can’t

I want to discuss a certain MP. (You probably know whom I’m talking about.)

One of the most annoying things about the man is that despite the fact that he holds a range of views which I find ridiculous (and some of which I actually find repugnant), I am forced to admit that he is a nice person.

This is intensely frustrating, because I would like nothing more than to pillory him for his disgraceful manners, but it’s impossible to do so. The man shows nothing but courtesy to everyone he meets. Even the most ardent opposition MPs admit to possessing a degree of fondness for him. As he puts forward opinions that would have seemed anachronistic half a century ago, he exudes an air of politeness and civility. Quite simply, he is a man whom many hate to love.

Yes, he has a few odd habits, but surely we’d prefer representatives who were slightly eccentric but totally dedicated to representing the people, rather than power-hungry careerists desperate to get to the top of the greasy political pole? Given that choice, I dare say there are a fair few of us who’d opt for the oddities.

So I think it’s time that we took a deep breath and showed some unity of purpose — by getting behind the leader of the party.

The leader of the Conservative Party, that is. Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Don’t you remember? After the Conservative Party lost two elections in a row, the members came to the conclusion that the reason that voters were rejecting the Tories was simply because they were not right wing enough. The mood was such that when George Osborne stepped down as leader of the party and a leadership election was held, Rees-Mogg’s surprise candidacy fired up the party membership and he swept away all other contenders.

Admittedly, the ‘milder, more civilised’ politics he promised hasn’t quite worked out. There seem to be a disconcertingly high number of former-UKIP supporters viciously going after any MPs who disagree with the ‘Top Mogg’, as he’s now being called. Any articles critical of the new Tory leader are either lambasted by his supporters or simply dismissed as being part of ‘the MSM’, a term which summons up visions of news reporters clad in bondage gear. Meanwhile, any glowing paeans to the man are cuttingly referred to by the moderate ‘Conservative resistance’ as ‘Rees’s Pieces’.

Yes, there have been minor kerfuffles. It emerged that Mr Rees-Mogg had referred to a local hunting group as his ‘friends’, although he subsequently made it clear that he’s never been hunting himself and believes in ‘talking to all sides’ to ‘broaden the dialogue on hunting’. There are no records of Mr Rees-Mogg ever having met with anti-hunting groups, but no matter. Similarly, the remarkable behaviour of Shadow Chancellor John Redwood, who recently quoted General Pinochet’s writings at the dispatch box, has been dismissed as ‘harmless needling’ by the Tory Press Office, or as Twitter user GotMyToryPartyBack put it, ‘top bantz’.

But never mind. The ‘true’ Tory party has returned! Surely now the voters will see the light and turn out in droves for them at the next election in 2020.

Surely.