Choice is not an option

Choice is not an option, it’s a must.

If I ask you do you like chocolate or vanilla, you will surely have a preference or say ‘neither — it’s strawberry!’ You know the answer, what you want or what feels right — for you, in this moment. When our choices do not affect other people, it is easier. It seems we make them just by and for ourselves. (But this is an illusion too. If you buy the chocolate pudding from one company, this choice actually affects many people and circumstances in the world.) But when our choices obviously impact others, they seem more difficult. We do not want to hurt the other person, impose on them etc. The truth is that without being honest with ourselves and our decisions, we create a state of being stuck and it becomes impossible to change. For us and the others.

Having made a choice once, doesn’t mean it that it will be the same choice forever. You can choose in any moment. It’s the same as overcoming your fear by getting on a roller coaster. You do it once, and that’s great. But life will bring many other situations. You cannot be brave just once and then go back into your comfort zone and use your old choice as an excuse not to make another one. Once you have started to choose consciously, you will have to make more choices. It becomes difficult to ignore that it is your responsibility to choose.

As with anything, the more you train your decision muscle, the better it gets. It will get fitter and you will notice the decision-making muscle is all of you. You brains, heart and feelings. The body’s reward for listening to what it has to say is that it will let you know sooner and with more clarity what it wants. It will reward you with energy, relief, contentment, and confidence.

Choices are not made by the mind alone. At least not those you can stand fully behind. You make them consciously and wholeheartedly. They combine mind, heart, emotions, your needs and sense for practicality.

For the body, not deciding fully creates tensions. It gets hung up in a state of mixed messages. You will not be at ease with your choice if you let it happen. If you decide one way just because it’s the rational thing to do or because it’s expected of you.

What will s/he say if I say no to having lunch together or if I ask for a week’s time until I sign the contract. And the endless loop of assumptions begins. We start losing ourselves in explanations of things that haven’t even happened yet.

The same happens to me. When the old habit of indecisiveness, or fitting in or not daring creeps up at me, I start getting cranky, I lose my focus, get more scattered. Maybe something has unsettled me or shaken my confidence. But what can you do when this mood of cranky indecisiveness has taken over: get back into the saddle of decision making. You start off fresh, make a choice.

No matter where you start, with a small or a big choice, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do it: Choose.

You can also choose to leave a comment in the box below. Share with us when it is hard for you to make decisions. What clues does your body give you to know what to choose?

Originally published on

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