Did you see?

Gary had been stood there a good ten minutes, by the drinks dispenser, waiting for someone else to stop by so he could talk to them about the amazing program he watched on the tele last night. Now this wasn’t normally something Gary would do. Talking to other people, just talking, was hard enough. He enjoyed the safety and cosiness of his desk. People would nod a greeting, and ask how he was without waiting for a reply, and that suited him fine. But today? Well, he most definitely had to tell somebody about this program.

The first person to venture up to where Gary was standing awkwardly (he tried to look casual, but instead just looked unusual), was Trevor. Trevor had a bit of a sweating problem. People liked him — he was extremely funny, intentionally and unintentionally — but he really did sweat a lot. To the point that some mornings, he would walk in and you would discreetly peer out of the window just to check that it wasn’t raining.

‘Trevor?’ asked Gary in his most calm and casual (panicked and high pitched) voice, ‘did you see that thing on the tele last night? The one with that woman in?’ Trevor looked at him briefly, trying to keep a grip on the plastic cup that threatened to slip out of his damp hand

‘What was it called?’ he asked. Gary put his free hand up to his temple, as though that would help with the thought process and jog his memory.

‘I can’t remember, sorry. But I’ll describe it’, Gary said smiling (terrifyingly). Trevor politely stopped him in his tracks, mentioning something about having some work to get back to. Gary’s smile dropped. Still, he wasn’t going anywhere until he had told someone about this incredible program he watched last night. He started tapping his forehead trying to remember the title.

Jenny next approached the water dispenser. As she walked towards it, she saw Gary and was about to turn around but Gary had seen her, so she continued. ‘Hi’, she said, without a hint of friendliness. Gary smiled a Hello back. This made Jenny uncomfortable.

‘Jenny’, he started, ‘did you see that program last night? The one with the woman in it?’. She shook her head — there was no way she was getting into a conversation with this guy. But he had already started.

‘It was about six o’clock or something, and I walked in to the lounge, and my housemate, Terry, was there, watching the tele. In the dark, of all things!’ Gary shook his head, smiling. ‘I asked him what he was watching, and he said that he hadn’t expected me to be home that early, so he was watching some boring specialist program that I wouldn’t be interested in. Well, I sat down next to him anyway’. Jenny was now slightly intriguied. She nodded her head as if to say Go on. ‘so, in the program this woman ****** ******** ********** ***** donkey ****** ******** *********** *** strange ******** ** *** *** **** ******** *** ** **** *** ** ***** *** **** **** ***** *** **** * she*** ** **** ***** *** *** **** ***** bucket ** ***** ****** ** *** ***** ***** *** **** *** ***** ****** *** *** *** ****** ** **** ****** *** ** * ******surprised ***** *** ***** ****** ** ******* ***** ***!

Jenny stood there, mouth agape. She wasn’t quite sure what had happened in the last minute, but she was feeling hot, flustered, and quite sick. Gary stood back calmly, and said ‘incredible eh? I never really watch tele except for maybe the programs which are like the shops that sell things, but on the tele instead of the street. But this program… hold on… hold on… I just remembered what it was called! It was ‘*** ******* ass ****!!! Volume 3’.’

Meanwhile, back at the house that Gary and Terry shared, Terry was fitting his own television and video player into his bedroom.