Dancing With The Devil

Sometimes I think people don't understand the struggles of addiction. Especially if they have never had an addiction either to a drugs, alcohol, and food. There can be all kinds of addictions. People are mostly aware of drug and alcohol addiction. Being an addict is a daily battle. I would know. My introduction to drugs happened when i was about 16. I was at a house party and someone offered me a line of coke. Typical intro. Especially in the ‘burbs. I cant lie , I kinda enjoyed it. Then few days later I tried Adderall. A girl i knew ( Note: She was also younger than me.) showed me how to crush the pill and snort it. I was off the hook on those for a few weeks. Till one night my heart felt like it was going 100 mph and I thought I was gonna die. I was over it. I never did uppers after that. About a year later I was working at a law firm my mom worked at. In the mail room. One of my co-workers who was round my age gave me a Nor-co. I instantly fell in love. The euphoric feeling was unbelievable. I was down for pain pills after that day.

Fast forward few months later, i was introduced to Oxycontin. My homie at the time told me, “ Its like a Nor-co, but 100 times stronger.” I don't think he even knew what it really was at the time. After that first line i was hooked. Like off the hook. At the time i was selling weed. I was taking home round $400 a day. After paying my dealer. I would spend it all on pills. Back then an Oxycontin 80 mg pill would cost about 30 bucks. Few months went by, I stopped smoking weed for awhile and wasn't on pills. I don't even remember going through any withdrawals back then. I didn't know what that was so how could I notice.

Moving on, few years past. Now I was staying in Carmel / Monterey Peninsula . I was about 20 when I moved there. My best friend there had a substance abuse problem. Soon enough so would I. We were “drug buddies”, we got high together. At one point I had a $300–350 a day habit. The Oxycontin 80s were going for $80–100 per pill. I was working two really good paying jobs at the time so I could afford it. I guess you could call that a functional junkie. I hate that term. You're only functional for a few months then it all comes crashing down. Around 2007–2008 the Manufacturers of the Oxy 80s were beginning to make the pills so you can only pop em. Just because the overwhelming addicts that were being created because of these pills. I mean everyone from your average joe, doctors, teachers, and even people in city hall were getting pilled. It was outta control. The Monterey Peninsula has A lot of rich people, I mean c’mon that's where Pebble Beach is located. A lot of “trust fund babies”, people who don't have to work, drives around in a nice car, and buys rounds at the bar. They seem to have no worries. I would have no worries if I had unlimited funds. But those were the people that I saw really struggle with addiction. Everyday I was working. One of the jobs I had was a bellman. So, I had potential to get cashed out everyday. My daily goal was to make about $150 a day. So i could buy my pills for the next day. My goal was to never be dope sick. Being dope sick is not fun. I managed to put myself at a level of addiction where if I didn't have my pills in the morning I couldn't even get outta bed. Pretty sad. Luckily I lived alone so no one really knew the demons I was battling.

The way I was living had me on a path to either jail or death. It blows my mind how close I was over dosing. With the mixture of the pills and drinking alcohol. I remember a few times where throughout the day doing pills and forgetting how much I've done then hitting the bar with my friends doing shot after shot. Thats when I would blackout. I wouldn't remember there rest of the night. My friends thought I was just drunk, little did they know how fucked up I really was. When I look back now, I was lucky that I didn't die. Someone was watching over me. I've had a few friends die from using pills and mixing it with alcohol. You would think I would learn from seeing my friends pass away, no that didn't happen. Its hard to think clearly when you’re constantly high.

I had to lose everything to learn my lesson. I literlly lost my job, home, friends, and my girlfriend all in one week. I had no one to blame but myself. I had to remove myself from the situation I was in to get better. I had to leave the place I loved with all my heart to shake this addiction. The best thing I did was surround myself with family to understand what is important in life. Friends come and go, family is forever. Im forever grateful for my Mom and sister. I dont think they know the struggles I went through while I was in Monterey. When I look back I usually think about all the money I spent on drugs and the self destuructive path I was on and how close I was to losing my life. Im glad I pulled through and take it as lesson learned. I know what choices not to make because I already know the result. I’d be lying if I said I dont occasionally use drugs now, I just dont make it a habit. I dont take up my whole day lookin for drugs and getting high. Thats just a waste of time. If you take anything from this just remember, we all make mistakes it just how you bounce back from those mistakes really shows your true colors.