I Just Turned 27 And I Still Don’t Know What I’m Doing

Kristine Tsiknaki
Aug 24, 2017 · 5 min read

I expected being an adult to offer some kind of profound insight about life. I used to think that there is a magic threshold that you pass and suddenly everything makes sense. You have your goals, motivation and a path you follow. Somehow it seems that the opposite has happened.

Life as a kid is the clearest it’s ever going to be. Going to school, year after year, there is a plan. My plan went all the way up to my masters degree. And then the abyss. Maybe that sounds dramatic. Trust me, it feels dramatic too. Oftentimes I sit and wonder if everyone else feels just as lost as I do or if they all know what they’re doing. Chances are I’m not alone in this. I’m not special and I never really thought I was, so other people must feel the same way. I just wish that they were comfortable talking about it.

Perhaps I’m a hypocrite myself, because to most people I must seem like I got everything figured out. I have a full time job that I enjoy, I go out and try new things, I travel to new places and meet new people. At least that’s what people see (to paraphrase Taylor Swift).

The truth is that most of the time I’m too afraid to admit how lost I feel. I try to get a grip but I usually end up hiding under my duvet trying to not think about life. I don’t know if my expectations are unrealistic. Most of the time I just wish I knew what the hell I’m supposed to be doing, that I had some kind of ultimate goal to work towards.

People say things like ‘you got all your life ahead of you’ and ‘you can be anything you want’. I remember wishing about material things on my birthday when I was little. Not for long though, Ever since my teenage years all I’ve been wishing for every year when blowing out those candles is to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted to be.

Sometimes I think people in the past had it easier. While for most people options were limited, they knew exactly how their life would play out. Trust me, I realise how ungrateful this sounds and how it’s a prime example of first world problems. We have everything and it’s still not making us happy. Before you judge, just remember that the question of happiness and the purpose of life has been being debated since ancient times. If all the brightest ancient Greek philosophers could not find an answer, do you really expect me to do so?

Despite that, the prospect of coming up with an ideology, gathering ‘students’ who support me financially and essentially spending all day talking with them about the way the world works doesn’t sound too bad. A bit too much like a cult though and that’s really not my sort of thing. In any case, if I ever want to pour out random theories from my head there’s always this blog, so I got that covered.

None of this has given me a solution though. Where do great ideas come from? How do people figure out what they want to do for the rest of their lives? If you expected me to answer that question, you might be disappointed. You can join the club of everyone else who is disappointed in me.

But, maybe, you are like me instead. Maybe you too are not sure what you’re doing with your life either, despite thinking you should have it all figured out. And to you my friend I have to say that you’re not alone. And thanks to you I’m not alone either. See? You’ve already made someone else (I mean me) feel better. So maybe, it can be ok for us not to know what we’re doing.

Something I’ve learn in the past few months is that stressing over everything that might happen or should have happened stops you from making anything happen. I have also become an expert in hiding under a duvet, but that’s not particularly helpful. Anyway, my point is that all we can ever hope to do is take it one day at a time and do something that makes us happy today.

Slowly the days will turn into months and years and hopefully a few years down the line, looking back, we will be able to see the path that we’ve been on. Maybe we’ll still be unable to see what lies ahead of us, but, if we keep doing one thing that makes us happy every day, we will manage to find happiness in life.

If you’ve reached the end of this article I’d like to thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. Now close your eyes, take a deep breath and say with me: “It’s all going to be ok.”

No matter what, remember that you’re not alone in this.

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Kristine Tsiknaki

Written by

Blogger, photographer and dreamer! http://darcrose22albionadventures.blogspot.co.uk/

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