Way back before Google, when of my “coping strategies” was to search the Internet for suicide. Ostensibly for inspiration but would have settled for ideas, too. Just numbing out without actually doing it.
(I’ve never been able to find it since.)
I found an achingly beautiful eulogy from a preacher type for a teen who’d killed himself and the preacher held up the teen as a warrior who fought and conquered in an extended war and only in the very end, he lost his final battle. But that he was brave and strong and loved them all very much and that’s why he fought so hard, so valiantly, so long. That he lost the last battle was no more shame than warrior on a field being pierced through the heart from archers on high.
Wish I could find that again.