The New Forty

[Draft Submission GenSciQuarterlyDavidAraki]

New Math and Real Ageism; An Academic Review; Synopsis

Forty has been the new Thirty since before Y2K, but as you will have noticed this model has been updated and Forty has now become the new Twenty-Five. More Forty Year olds than ever are currently hitting their prime in both mental and physical fitness. Those once deemed as those “GenX Losers1” are now considered the new bastions of innovative business and social activity2. ToughMudder™-style event statistics have shown that the overwhelmingly largest demographic of participants have been in the 40–50 age group, and with an overwhelming percentage of high score performances coming out of that group. And happily for them, they’ve held the Prime status for five years already, since until now, at least officially, Forty was still the new Thirty and reset values work backwards (when accrued until base level is reached.)

In English, that means as the accruement was being developed, the value was being modified in metric dating at a One-For-Three3 ratio, of One Elapsed Year (EY) to One Value (OV) Year of 110 days. For mathematic simpletons, this simply means that for every year the Forty-year old (as a classification, not specification) lived after the year 2000, his/her perceptual biological clock was being given a credit for 110 days. Thus by the year 2016, a Forty-five year old is technically considered to be equivalent to a pre-inflation Thirty-year old.

In determining how to present the new paradigm it was agreed that “Forty is the New Twenty-Five” was measurably more attractive to new Forty-year olds, than “Forty-Five…” to the the former Forty-year olds who had also already basked in the sun of secret conceit and generally had integrated the boon into their identities. It seems socially unfair to push the bar higher on younger generations just to be mathematically correct. From the Linguistic perspective, “Forty-Five is the New Thirty” is also bad locution. Flow-awkwardness in “Forty is the New Twenty-five” is not at all of hypercatalectic concern in part because the newly minted Forty-year old has been dreading the milestone twinkling for years, so the relief bestowed by an additional fifteen years in apparent-cy far outweighs any verbal nitpicking. Finally, changing the primary recipient group is not considered effective sloganism because it would require consider rebranding of the Ten Year Age Credit4.

Studies in 2015, also have shown that though the new Forty-year old may not appreciate the extra five years as much as the former Forty-year old would5, the benefits of the extrapolative “Fifty being the new Thirty-five” serve as an effective balm. Whole Body Linguistics studies have also indicated that the awkward flow of the “–five” is overridden even by the Ear Sense, which indicates the depth of the delusionary power since the ears are unlikely to regain lost high frequency sensitivity in the deal.6,7

For the Reverse Ageists (RAgeists) the additional five year designation has been a boon, both in personal age consciousness, but also in logical extrapolations to other age groups. Forty being the new Twenty-five puts the Thirty year olds under a new and appropriate light, and it especially knocks the new Gen-D back to Freudian pre-development levels where they belong.

Footnotes:

1Generational Science has modified their designative style, and currently favors the GenD approach for the volatile “stupid” age period. It was officially adopted in 2009 and published in GenSci Quarterly Iss. 2 “The eternal Generation D moniker that all Twenty year olds must bear for two to seven years…The sobriquet of Generation D (Duh) will pass like as a temporary (we hope) mantle to the static age grouping (19–26) after which their formerly appropriately descriptive appellations may be applied.” Thus, GenX went through its GenD period, and could officially bear its moniker with pride, rather than shame.

2 Hormone Replacement has become all the rage for Generation X. This effort to match hormonal response to endogenous definitions and perception has also been extended well into the Fifty-Plus age group (SoftBakedCookieGeneration) which doesn’t want to get left behind again.

3 Sims, B.Jenner, W.Moskowitz. 2001. Accruement Formulas for Age Perception in Generational Nomenclature. GenSciQuarterly 44(3):59–129.

4 See general meeting minutes from the MemeBoard Council Oct. 2006, additionally email from Chairperson Hogan sent at the time to several journalists including myself.

5C.Ruelle, P.Max. 2015. Comparisons in Perceived Satisfaction Categorically. GenSciQty, 360(2):128–145.

6Hammerstein, K.Serone, Masters. 2015. Perceptual Priorities in Mind Anatomy. University California San Bruno Press.

7L.Araki. G.Willick.S.Hayakawa. 2015. Linguistic Determination in Anatomic Constructs. Whole Body Sciences. 6(8):189–192.