The Most Ingenious (and Enjoyable) Way to Kill a Housefly

I just killed 6 houseflies in 14 minutes in my apartment and I had an incredible time.

There were no guts; in fact, my living space is now cleaner than before I began my fly hunt.

Also, the houseflies were not crushed nor splattered in the process. So if you hate killing things violently, this is for you.

I feel bad writing this because it is going to put out of business. My solution uses a free common household item.

Why write this? Because…

House flies are annoying as hell

They are quick, dirty, and buzz incessantly. They are evil in two situations especially: when I have food out and when guests are over. Oftentimes, the flies parade themselves most flagrantly at the intersection of these two vulnerable scenarios.

Keep reading if you want to learn how to impress your friends. But first —

Housefly 101 — why they are so hard to neutralize

Flies have remarkable eyesight. Instead of the human eye which has one optic nerve that connects to the brain, flies have thousands of individual visual receptors called ommatidia arrayed across their heads, each one connected directly to its brain. This 360-degree scalp of sensors captures movement and light much faster and clearer than the human eye, which explains why a swatting human hand appears to be moving as slow as clouds to a fly.

Flies fly at 4.5 mph, beating their wings up to 200 times per second. But it feels like they move at 810.9 mph.

To top it all off, the female fly may lay as many as 21 batches of offspring, each containing up to 130 eggs. That’s 2,730 maggot babies coming from one mother (effing) fly!

Fly Incapacitation

Despite the vision, speed, and fertility of the house fly, the following methodology of fly incapacitation will make any fly take a dirt nap.

Begin by spotting the fly. Turn on more light as the fly can be lost from our eyesight against a dark background. Note, flies are attracted to light; the lights you turn on will tend to be the general location of where the fly chooses to land.

Next, go to the cleaning supplies of your kitchen and select a spray bottle of multi-surface cleaner. Check to make sure it has vinegar in its ingredients. Some bottles will say it on the front. Equip yourself with this weapon.

Locate the fly again. Wait for it to land. It will.

Gain a vantage point once the fly is still, aim the multi-surface cleaner at the fly from a safe but close distance. Then, FIRE. The fly will have no time to react against the rapid cloud of poisonous cleaner.

It’s wings become wet and it’s eyes become blind so a second strike is as easy as blowing out a candle on a birthday cake. But a second strike will most likely not be needed… the chemicals in the cleaner act as a poison, ending the fly within 6 seconds. Literally, I watched as sprayed flies crawled up the wall, slowed to a halt, and fell to the ground in a matter of seconds.

Advanced: I call this the Midnight Mid-flight, for pros only. When the fly refuses to land, and it’s getting late, shoot the fly in flight. This will take three or more well-placed sprays, creating a vitriolic mist of death. Rather than a critical dose of liquid that kills the fly swiftly, Midnight Mid-flight adds one layer at a time, slowing the fly down until it can’t help but land. And when it does, you know what to do.

Summary, for you skimmers

Here is what you need to know:

  1. Flies have amazing eyesight, fly extremely fast, and propagate like mad.
  2. Grab a multi-surface cleaner spray bottle. Spray the fly at close range.
  3. The fly will dance its last dance in a matter of 6 seconds.

No swatting. No smashing. No guts. Simultaneously clean the house. Target practice.

The most ingenious (and enjoyable) way to incapacitate a house fly.

Disclaimer: be sure to read the caution labels on the cleaner bottle and cover all consumables before fly hunting.