Blobfish: Why so sad?

In 2013, the blobfish was crowned the ugliest animal in the world with 795 votes over 3000, making it the mascot of the Ugly Animal Preservation Society.

So a few questions here really. What the hell is a blobfish? Ugly animal preservation? Why don’t they want to preserve the less ugly animals? Also, people actually voted?

But the one I really want to dive into is: what the hell is a blobfish? Because really, what the hell is a blobfish?

This, apparently.

The blobfish also known as the Psychrolutes Marcidus (because every animal’s scientific name makes them sound like a fancy aristocrat) is a deep water fish found near the bottom of the coast in Australia, Tasmania and New Zealand.

Knowing this is how a blobfish looks like, the most obvious follow-up question would naturally be: why the frown? Here are 3 possible reasons.

1. Because it’s a bladderless blob

Most animals develop cool evolutionary features to adapt to their environments. Chameleons blend in like master ninjas. Eagles can spot a prey 3.2km away. Owls look mysterious and wise so they get to star in Harry Potter movies. You get the idea.

Most fishes developed something called the gas bladder to maintain buoyancy and rely on powerful muscles to propel them in the water. Then, we have the blobfish.

The blobfish is found 600–1200m below sea level where the pressure can be 120 times higher than what we experience. Most muscular gas bladdered fish would simply crumble that deep into the ocean. Instead, the blobfish is comprised mostly of a gelatinous mass just a little less dense than water, allowing it to float just above the seabed. Because it has little muscles, the blobfish cannot afford to hunt, simply gobbling whatever edible comes its way.

You would look like a sad sob too if you’re a blob the ocean sits on you while you spend your days eating whatever nonsense you find on the floor.

2. Because it’s wronged for its Fugliness

Actually, the blobfish might not deserve its crown as king of the uglies after all. Here’s an artist’s illustration of how she thinks scientists think they look like for real.

Drawn here: not blobs (By Rachel Caauwe)

Turns out when you’re under 120 times more pressure, you tend to look a bit different. They’ve never been observed in the sea because the pressure and darkness of their habitat would crush any hopes and dreams in the vicinity. However scientists believe that under high pressure, the blobfish actually looks more fish than blob.

On a sidenote, the frowny pudding fest isn’t exactly a bad look. Meet Blobby. He’s crazy cute and even has got a merchandise gig running.

Camouflage level — Ninja God
Cosplay level — Over 9000
Friendship level — Sad
Rocking the merch gig.

So maybe it’s sad because it’s been wrongly judged. We decided the blobfish is ugly based on the bloated corpse edition. It’s like aliens fishing you out onto their home planet whose pressure reduces you into mush. Then based on your mush form they all go, ‘Oh damnnn that’s one ugly looking motherfuckerrrr!’

You’d be sad too if no one got to see how un-ugly you usually are and declared you the king of ugly.

3. Because it’s dying meaningless deaths

The blobfish is endangered. Not that anyone really tries to hunt them but they often get caught in bottom trawling nets. By the time fishermen throw them back out, they’d already be dead.

That’s probably the worst reason for being endangered. At least the whales are hunted for their value. Our poor blobfish here, just innocently blobbing along the ocean floor, hits endangered status by bumbling into nets.

You’d be upset too losing your life to bullshit that isn’t even trying to kill you.

Not cool man.

It’s no wonder the blobfish has got a permanent frown on. These are our contenders once more:

  1. its got no muscles and is condemned to food on the floor
  2. it might not be that ugly after all
  3. those damn nets

Personally, my money is on number 2. That is after all the frown of a mistaken soul.

Originally published on WRONG.