So, Mr. Trump, “Yes” or “No?”

The Hindenburg

Full disclosure: This article is not about The Hindenburg. It’s about Donald Trump. I just couldn’t stand to look at his face again. No big difference anyway — Trump’s another a large gasbag that, with luck will eventually self-destruct.

Have you noticed that when Donald Trump is asked a question that he either can’t or doesn’t want to answer, he chooses a question he likes better and answers that one instead? Of course you have. He does it every time. And on the rare occasions that his interviewer asks him to get back on topic, Trump starts repeating the phrase “Excuse me,” as though he’s the injured party who’s been rudely interrupted, and just keeps talking.

The problem is that Donald doesn’t like to be asked questions because he thinks he’s above having to answer to anyone. Though if he does agree to suffer through an interview, he really only wants to talk to people who either adore him or fear him.

That’s his comfort zone. See, he’s used to being able to fire people who dare to question him in any way.

But, you know, maybe I’m giving him too much credit. Maybe he’s had things his own way for so long that he honestly doesn’t understand the concept of polite give and take — the simple art of matching questions and answers.

So, my proposal for the upcoming presidential debate is that we help him out a little. Let’s only ask Donald questions that require one-word answers. “Yes” or “No.” It’ll be easier for him, the voters would finally learn where Trump stands on some important issues and the debate would be a hell of a lot shorter.

Oh, one additional rule: If he goes even a single syllable past the required one word answer, his microphone will be cut.

No negotiation. No deal making. Just “Yes” or “No.”

There are obviously many questions that Trump has dodged or offered up little more than his oft repeated “I’ll take care of it — believe me.” But, just to get the ball rolling, here are a dozen I’d like to have answered.

1. Mr. Trump, after five years of claiming that you had “incredible” proof that President Obama was not born in this country, you recently changed your mind and proclaimed that he was, indeed, born in the United States. Would you like to take this opportunity to apologize to President Obama for any distress you may have caused him and his family?

YES or NO?

2. Regarding your stance on Immigration: First you were for mass deportation, then you weren’t, then you were, then you weren’t. Now — at least as of this morning — you are again. People might vote for you based on this position, so will you promise them that you won’t change your mind again after the election?

YES or NO?

3. You’ve repeatedly refused to show your tax returns to the American people. Your stated reason is that you can’t release them because you’re currently under audit…even though the IRS says that there’s no statute that prevents you from doing so. Certainly, you can understand why many people think there might be details in your returns that you’re trying to hide. So, whether your audit is finished or not, is there any chance at all that you’ll release your tax history and put their fears to rest before election day?

YES or NO?

4. You’ve admitted that you took advantage of the H-2B visa program to hire foreign workers at your property in Florida. You said that you had no other choice, due to the temporary nature of “the season.” There are many unemployed people here in America who would have been grateful to have even a few months of work. So, in the future, will you promise to offer jobs to unemployed Americans instead of importing laborers who’ll work for lower wages?

YES or NO?

5. In a recent speech about the economy, you said that you were working on a more specific economic plan with your daughter, Ivanka. She’s obviously a bright young woman, but might there be others, perhaps professional economists, who would be more qualified to advise you on the intricacies of national and global economies?

YES or NO?

6. If elected, you’ve promised to get rid of the “death tax.” You’re a very rich man, so repealing that tax would obviously benefit you and your wealthy friends. However, since that tax only applies when personal estates exceed 5.45 million dollars, do you really think most Americans feel eliminating the death tax would make their lives better?

YES or NO?

7. You’ve often said that global warming is a “total hoax.” That declaration disagrees with 98% of climate scientists. Do you still believe that global warming is no threat whatsoever to our planet?

YES or NO?

8. It’s been reported that some of the money donated to your campaign has found its way back to businesses that you own. That makes many of your donors feel…well…scammed. Perhaps the most egregious accusation was that you tripled the rent on your campaign offices in Trump Tower once your donors were paying the bill, instead of you personally. Is that true?

YES or NO?

9. A cornerstone of your campaign has been your plan to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico and you’ve promised that wall will be paid for by Mexico. The president of Mexico says he told you personally that his country would absolutely not pay for any wall. Is the president of Mexico a liar?

YES or NO?

10. You’ve repeatedly told the American people about all the things that would happen on “Day One” of a Trump presidency. Most notably, you’ve promised that all the “bad illegal aliens” would be gone…not just on the first day, but in the first hour. While it makes a very dramatic sound bite, you do know that’s impossible, right?

YES or NO?

11. Hillary Clinton recently described half of your followers as “deplorables.” You have every right to quibble with her choice of words, but you’ve never tried to tamp down the hatred that’s almost always on display at your rallies. Don’t you think that supporters of yours who disrespect people because of their race or religion and punch old ladies in the face are, at the very least, horrible?

YES or NO?

12. One of your plans to keep American safe is to implement a procedure you call “extreme vetting.” Rather than tell the truth about their intentions, don’t you think a terrorist determined to come into our country to commit murder would employ “extreme lying?”

YES or NO?

BONUS QUESTION: All kidding aside, Mr. Trump, you do realize that, like her or not, of the two of you, Hillary Clinton’s far more qualified to be our next President, right?

YES or NO?

Of course, this is folly. Simple “yes or no” answers would not allow Trump to drift into his familiar well-rehearsed talking points. Without those, his minions wouldn’t know whether they were supposed to boo or cheer. And the one thing Donald Trump can’t allow is for the sheep that so blindly follow him to see that he’s merely an empty suit…one that’s probably made in China.

So while Trump would never agree to this format, I’d sure like to see him try. Wouldn’t you?

YES or NO?

_____________________________________

Written by Dave Hackel

DaveMH@aol.com

BIO: Dave Hackel worked as a writer/producer of network television sitcoms for over twenty years. Now, happily retired, he spends way too much time watching what’s currently passing for “the news.”