The Patient Experience #3: A Difficult Diagnosis

When I was 23, I had my bloodwork done because people around me, gay men, young, handsome, bright men, were dying and the only indicator of why people were dying at the time was found in the blood.

I went to the Doctor to get my results during my lunch break at work. …

I was stargazing tonight

and noticed that Orion was in the same spot

as he was when I moved two years ago.

I’d like to say that I’ve gone full circle

but it sometimes feels like

I am just spinning around in circles

again and again.

From May 20, 2011

Remember the things in life that are important to you and ignore the distractions that separate me from them. There are things, places, spaces, times where I find my happiness, my connections to others, to my healthy and loving self. I am happy when I move forward, guided by purpose.

Love. Don’t give up on finding it. That connection where we tell each other our stories, we live in them together and we move forward and create new stories together. Sharing, observing. Being there.

Friends who don’t give up or judge. Friends who will draw me in when I start to pull myself away; or drift, or when I cannot break free from something that I am chained to. …

pRESS sTAR (Life before the # key)

You used to call me on the telephone

that thing they call the landline now

we used to lie back and talk for hours

lying on the ground with our legs up against the wall

and looking at the ceiling as if it had stars

and we would get together when we wanted

instead of when we can.

Then you got a cell phone and you hardly ever call

and I hear more about you via text now then from your emails

and it feels I hardly ever see you anymore

it seems like we’re finding ways of creating distance

and making it easy to grow apart.

There is a part of me

that is afraid that I will be

that kind of person

that falls off the radar

and people will look back

and for a moment they will regret

that they could have done more

to help me get better.

Ode To A Hermit Thrush

Some say it’s just luck, I think it’s awareness that holds the key.

Earlier today, something caught my eye quite by chance.

I caught a glimpse of a hermit thrush

perched nearby on the sycamore branch.

Later I would see him upon the window ledge.

Feeling present and being relaxed is more than happenstance.

We exchanged nods knowingly

and I could see the world in his eyes during the glance..

Peace of mind and peace in this world

can happen when man versus the environment becomes a dance.

http://apatientvoice.com/2015/10/14/ode-to-a-hermit-thrush/

Here I am on my 51st, birthday and at times it has felt like a long hard journey and at other times it’s been one hell of a pit stop.

As I reflect, as I stand still and as I look ahead I know that I have the wisdom of lived experience and I still have hope and I know that life is full of ups and downs, and for me, the downs are a place I have never gotten truly stuck in. …

The Day Of The Living Goldfinch

Yesterday started off innocently enough with me sitting in the backyard with my coffee and journal when a male goldfinch suddenly landed on the peak of the hibiscus plant about two metres from me, puffing himself up, chirping with bravado and staring me down, with me half expecting him to break into song “Who’s Zooming Who?”. He moved to the bramble of raspberry canes equidistant from me and then to the top of the railing of the steps that lead to the basement within reach of me.

I looked backed at him and grunted, “hmmm, show off”. …