5 Great Reasons Why I Have Lunch with My Mother Every Week and You Should Too
Hi, I’m David. I’m a Phoenix native but grew up in Los Angeles and lived there until my grandmother passed away almost five years ago. Believe it or not, this turns into a happy ending. I was at a bit of crossroads in my own life and decided to move back home to be closer to the rest of my family. It was tough. New city. No real friends here. Didn’t feel very connected to the place. Then I did something really crazy.
I asked my mother to lunch.
And, since it changed the course of my life and because it’s Mother’s Day this weekend, I’ve put together a tidy list of reasons why we’ve gone to lunch every week for the last few years.
1. My Mom’s not a Regular Mom, She’s a Cool Mom
Unlike Amy Poehler’s character in Mean Girls, my mother has actually always been cool. Really cool. Like cool in the way I think I am, but actually am not. She plays a mean game of pool. She was one of the first people who had a mobile phone back in the 80s. She was a model. She hung out with movie stars. She played black jack with Steve Wozniak in Vegas once. Yeah, the Woz. She lives out loud.
She was also a single mother who started her own business. And this was in the late 70s. My mother was one of the pioneers of the telecommunications industry. It’s basically like when landlines (yes, we all had them back then) became a bit more like smartphones today. Horoscopes. Psychics. 976 and 900 lines. That was my mom! A couple months ago, a reporter called her up because he was doing a story on the history of the industry and everyone said he had to call her. I knew my mother was a boss, but I had no idea what a badass she was. She was the keynote speaker at conferences. She jetted off to New York for business lunches. She knew Paula Abdul.
2. Her Stories are Fantastic
Fun fact: My mother had a life before I was born. As children, we sort of experience our parents only as they relate to us. My first disappointment? She picked me up. My first heartbreak? She talked me down. My first promotion? She cheered me on. It never even dawned on me that she might experience these things too. Moms are human too. Who knew?
After lunch we occasionally drive around the part of town she grew up in. Me behind the wheel and she pointing out where each of her friends lived, the order in which they would pick each other up on the walk to school each morning. First Patsy, then Debbie, Marla, Judy, Susie, Linda, Connie, Shelley, Janet and Sally. My mother had a group of friends that were like a tribe. Hey, I did that too.
3. She Knows Her Way Around Town
A city can be a tough nut to crack. But Phoenix is especially challenging to get a handle on. It’s like a treasure map; you have to do some hunting to find what really strikes your interest. But it pays off. And it’s much easier with someone at your side.
Last weekend, we went to a restaurant called The Parlor. It’s located in central Phoenix and serves some of the best pizza in a city quickly becoming known for its pizza. The first time we went, my mother asked me if the space looked familiar. Somewhat, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. She then told me that back in the 70's and 80's, this space was actually a famous beauty parlor called Salon de Venus where my grandmother used to get her hair styled. I suddenly remembered going there with her when I was a kid in town visiting. Just like that, it was as if my grandmother was there having lunch with us.
4. Life is Short
I know there will come a time when one of us won’t be around to go to lunch with each other. And statistically speaking, I’m probably going to be the one who has to carry on this tradition without her. I cry at the drop of a hat so this section might have some typos because my eyes are experiencing their own mild waterfall at just thinking about the loss of her.
My mother moved back to Phoenix about 25 years ago and lived 11 houses down the street from her mother. They had coffee every other day at least together. They went to Europe together. They loved to go to Vegas and hit the casinos together. Relationships require time together. As sad as my mother was to lose her mother, she never once felt that she had squandered their time together. There were no regrets of that kind.
You can’t safeguard entirely against the pain of loss. But the one comfort I saw my mother hold onto was that there was nothing left unsaid between her and her mother. Those conversations matter. And human beings are hard wired to have those talks over a meal. It’s the perfect time to relax, share a little something about your day and maybe hear a totally ridiculous story your mother swears she’s told you before.
5. She Taught Me to Fly
That’s not a stock photo above. That’s me with my mom when I was a kid. First off, don’t you love her Farrah-Fawcett-mixed-with-Goldie-Hawn look? But look at me. Spreading my wings. That’s all her doing. My mother is not afraid of anything. I used to be a scared kid, but she taught me that I belong wherever I want to be. She taught me that bullies are cowards. And she taught me words she learned from her mother, “Never forget who the f*** you are.”
Yeah, Mom’s got a mouth on her sometimes. She’s working on it.
Call to Action
It’s a tremendous privilege to live so close to my mother. She’s at the top of my gratitude list. If your mother is still with you, call her up. Ask her to lunch if you’re nearby. If she’s not and you can make the trip, go surprise her. It was the simplest change in my life and it’s made all the difference.
If you liked this, please go ahead and follow me. This is my first post for Medium and I kinda liked writing it. Also, if you’d like to see my mother and I reviewing the restaurants we go out to lunch to, check out InspiredMedia360.com where each week on my good friend Carey Pena’s show “In the Moment,” we run down the best places to eat in the Valley of the Sun. And you can follow me on Twitter David Lux
Happy Mother’s Day!
