I admire many things in everything, the shear complexity of it all and the apparent grace which we can sometimes achieve in flowing through it. Life is just so complicated, and wholesome, and slow, painstakingly slow. But then suddenly flash by in the blink of an eye. When you want something to happen but it doesn’t seem to be everything looks so slow and when something is happening that you don’t want then everything seems to be going past in the blink of an eye.
I’m blessed in my work, I get to do things like go into teams and just for a moment either speed things up or slow things down depending what can help them best. At home, life seems to be moving at a lovely speed and everything is tickity bo, though I know for well that when I look back this time in my life will have zipped by, and yet I now feel no burned from my future self on how I’ve spent my time, I feel like I have balance and balance in all things is good. I also know that because everything seems tickity bo it means there’s a bolder coming somewhere.
It’s be two years since I wrote, why I take drug https://link.medium.com/bh7e4hKBE0 and before you ask, yes I still take drug. And yes there have been many boulders but, life is just like that. I still walk the dog (from time to time), but there are two of them now. I still jump to conclusions, but I often hold onto them know knowing that they are more of a guide to a bigger picture than an answer in themselves. But to sum everything up life is sweet, it maybe tough at times but it’s sweet.
So in the immortal words of Jepther Mcclymont, Michael Taylor and Norberth Clarke I’m glad that I choose life, a job, a career, a family, fucking medium sized television, washing machines (we have owned 3 so far), cars (strangely we have also owend 3), though I don’t have a compact disc player or electrical tin opener. I’m striving for good health and low cholesterol but don’t have dental insurance, but do have fixed-interest mortgage repayments at the moment and did have a starter home.
What I haven’t done is choose my friends, that seems rather one sided, but I do have leisure wear to lounge aroud in, image things I wear but with a few more holes in, But it doesn’t match our luggage. We don’t have a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics but do have sofas and chairs.
Choosing DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning is definitely something I do. The picture above is of Buddy looking bemused during a big DIY phase and I’m trying to pen 6000 words of deep intro and outro spection for the course I’m on at the moment, on Sunday mornings. Though I still do sit on our couch watching mind-numbing things, when you have a complex mind or simply to much going on it can be helpful to take a break, though I don’t intentionally watch sprit-crushing ga me shows but it can take me a few moments before I walk out the room while Eloise watches something for the umpteenth time. And though I could be stuffing fucking junk food into my mouth I tend to have salad and protein, last night it was salmon.
Then the song goes very dark to make a point, but I have no intention of rotting away at the end of it all, or pishing my last in a miserable home being nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brat (definitely only having one) I have spawned to replace myself.
For a start weather I rot, get burned or fired out into deep space seems inconsequential at the moment, and I have no intention of being miserable, though I fully intend to be an embarrassment. I think that is one of the joys of being old, you get to embarrass people shouting things like ‘did you mean to drop that’. On the other hand I do hope Eloise isn’t going to be a fucked up brat, she along with many in her generation will have a lot of things to sort out, with our help, hopefully everything we are doing now will help secure that, hopefully she won’t have to go through what I did and choose life but if she does then I’ll be with her every step of the way, even when she is pushing us away to support her.
At least I’ll have the song to play that helped get me through it.