5 Reasons living in Metz Sucks…

Metz is a town on the east side of France — it nestles between Luxembourg and Germany and the Moselle river flows through it to the North where it eventually joins the Rhine on its way to the coast…

It is full of foreigners — most are French, but the occasional German, Swiss or even Belgian has been known to sneak in too; they even let the English live here, that is how bad it’s got…

We have lived her for 6 years now and I have learned some very painful lessons, that actually make me question why we came here in the first place, and also challenge my sense of identity and national pride…

  1. The French People — as a Brit I had expectations about the French, about their attitude and behaviour, their acceptance of “foreigners” and attitude towards the British…

They do have an attitude, but it turns out that they are friendly, warm and engaging — their attitude is disappointingly welcoming and generous; they really make the Brits look bad and I’m not happy about it at all…

Everywhere we go the keep on smiling at us and saying “Bonjour Monsieur Dame…” or they help us out by speaking slowly so we can understand them — they even attempt to speak English to us sometimes…

I feel bad because I reckon if someone from France went to live in the UK — they’s have a really tough time of it — so they are making the Brits look bad by being so nice, warm and friendly — it has to stop otherwise their reputation will be shot…

2. The Architecture — it’s old and out of date. The Cathedral was started in the 13th Century and still isn’t finished.

The streets in the town centre are narrow and cobbled, designed for people and tourists — I can’t even take my car down them…

Apparently there is “history” here from the Maginot Line to the Knights Templar there’s a Museum, an Art Gallery, Theatre and Opera too — but no Greyhound track, the shops close on Sundays and everyone seems to wander round being happy — can’t be right can it..?

The buildings don’t match — the skyline is a crazy mix of heights and designs that appear almost random — and worst of all in the square you have to sit outside in the sunshine to drink tiny cups of coffee and unhealthy croissant…

3. The Food — there are no Fish and Chip shops, no KFC and no Burger King — not even a Starbucks. Instead we have to endure local restaurants and delicatessen that sell hand made local foods and produce…

In the restaurants the cooking is all “French” so we have to endure a variety of meat, fish and poultry all cooked to perfection served with sauces, fresh vegetables and local desserts; what I really want is cremated meat and two boiled vegetables, one of which should be a potato of course…

There is even a place where they sell fresh vegetables and local wines, pates and meats — the food has to be eaten within a couple of days because it has no preservatives added; how ridiculous is that…?

4. Cremant — there is an alternative to Champagne. It is called Cremant and is produced using the same methods as Champagne but it can’t be called Champagne because this is the Lorraine region — and no one is going to buy a drink called Lorraine…

This is not right, being British I expect to be charged ate least 50 Euro for a bottle of Champagne and yet here, we can get Cremant for around 10 Euro — I’m not used to this sort of value and I will be writing to my MEP to get the practice banned…

They even make cocktails out of the stuff and the glasses are huge — much bigger than in the UK too. Even so, we have never seen any drunken brawls, people throwing up in the street or collapsing in a stupor — it is not what I am used to and I don’t like it…

5. Weather — I have to wear sunglasses, especially when walking along the river because the water reflects light in to my eyes, they are expensive and should be unnecessary…

We don’t have endless rain and fog — OK so it goes cold in the winter but the Spring, Summer and Autumn are gorgeous — being British I expect the weather to be wet, windy and grey at least 90% of the time.

So now I have nothing to complain about or moan about and it just won’t do…

So as you can see, Metz is truly awful — it’s full of friendly French people with cobbled streets and medieval squares full of people drinking fresh coffee or local Cremant with fabulous food in the sunshine…

Worst of all — it means that us Ex Pat Brits have nothing to moan about — which is exhausting…

As you can see Metz Sucks — so don’t come here and spoil it…