Ten reasons why I’m getting a Split Tongue, and why you should consider it too!

Ten rock solid reasons why I’m getting my tongue split, and why you should be considering #comittothesplit yourself!

#1: It’s easily the most disguisable and discreet body modification out there.

As far as Body Modifications go, this is one of the most (if not the top) body modifications that can be hidden from plain view, without the need of clothing or special makeup/cover. If for some ridiculous reason I feel the need to have to hide my tongue from some “ultra-conservative christian soccer mom/dad in her/his 60’s from the south” then I can do so with no effort at all. When speaking, or even yelling, if you peeked into my mouth, you would only see what would look like a semi-deep crevice, which is completely insignificant. Of course, as far as I go, I’d be showing it off proudly, but for the folks who would want to hide this from family, or coworkers, a split tongue is excellent at keeping you vanilla.

#2: It’s like gaining a second tongue, giving you more control over your own body.

Let’s be honest: this is the main reason you’d want to do this. After the tongue is split and the sides healed, you can gain control over the individual sides with some practice. The two halves can be raised up and down opposite each other, spread apart from the other half, and you can even grasp objects and hold onto them (makes for a sick party trick, don’t you think?). Folks who have had this done almost always said that they felt like they gained control over something new, like a third arm, something they would never want to part with again. Imagine having one eye, and then poof, one day, a second eye appears. Was life good with only one eye? Sure. But having two eyes, makes a big difference (try shutting one of your eyes for a little while, this is probably the best way you could explain the feeling of gaining something new and wonderful when gaining control over two individual sides of your tongue). Complimentary video below.

#3: The surgery to get a split tongue is extremely fast, simple, and of course, very reversible if desired.

Just to go over some of that, the surgery/procedure can take anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes; in terms of surgery, that’s no time at all. You could schedule your appointment at 12, get it done by 12:30, and be home in time to watch the season finale of Game of Thrones. The procedure can be done by any competent surgeon or experienced body mod artist: just cut at the dotted line. No organs to be moved or exposed. Minor blood loss when cauterizing it at the same time. Super easy. Super fast. You can even reverse the process by opening up the sides and allowing the tongue to heal naturally back together (over-simplified explanation) although it is more painful to reverse it than to do it (much like tattoos and tattoo removal). As with any surgery, there are minor risks, but unless you’re doing this in a back alley by a KFC or at some random small town tattoo shop, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

#4. It looks fucking cool, which totally nullifies the creepiness you might associate it with.

Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I truly think this is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. Granted, when you Google Image this, you’ll find many pictures of folks with a bunch of other, “more unsettling” body modifications, which adds to the creepiness you might associate the split with, so I’ve taken the liberty to show a few off below that I thought looked great.

Compiled images from tumblr, thank you beautiful people! :-)

#5. The one you’ve been dying to know about: Oral Sex. Confirmed: this makes both the giving and receiving partners more pleasure.

It’s been noted by both parties that have received (both male and female) oral sex from a split tongue partner; enhanced pleasure and orgasms from said sexual acts. Basically, getting head feels great. There are countless stories and questions on the subject, and the majority overwhelmingly agree, oral sex is great. Now, if you don’t know what you’re doing down there with just a boring old regular tongue, this won’t work magic and change your life, but it certainly doesn't hurt your chances of giving a great experience to said man or woman. For women, using both parts of the split to stimulate the clitorus in varius ways has brought a whole new range of sexual sensations down there. For men, playing with the tip and shaft between both parts has also brought new sensations, and if you’re into butt stuff, that’s a thing too. Kissing has mixed reports, either being really great, just OK, or even downright creepy. You’ll just have to find a partner that feels like the first two are in their field, or hope to death that your current partner likes it. Worse comes to worst, you can make it up to them in bed. ;-)

#6. Weed out the judge judgy judgers. No one likes Judge Judy's. Unless it’s the show and there’s nothing better on.

Many folks have done this for this main reason: you get rid of the friends that insult your intelligence for doing something that does not affect them or you in any negative way, the friends that do not support your decision, look down on you, get grossed out and make it a major point to make sure you know how grossed out they are, and so forth. You want open-minded friends and family to surround you and support you, in whatever you do; self-centered people, ignorant people, folks who will judge every action you take and push you to the ground; you’ll find them fast with your tongue. Think of it as a nifty tongue radar, and it’s able to weed out the ugly, and bring in the good. Your tongue will also fascinate folks, you’ll make many new friends and you’ll have a great conversation starter, one that can easily segway into describing yourself, and likewise, your new friend. I’ve mostly weeded out all of my overly religious and judgemental friends with other lifestyle choices I’ve made (can someone say, “rat owning polyamorous swinger”?), but for folks that have no idea how supposed “friends” may act? Rock out your new radar and let’s get to re-organizing your social circle. ;-)

#7. What’s that you say good sir? You don’t lose anything by splitting your tongue. You can still talk. Still taste. Still whistle.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. When done by a professional, you retain full taste (through some small percentage of folks have reported a slight alteration to taste, through this hasn't been backed by anything concrete), you retain full speech (you’ll have to re-learn certain sounds, but with practice, you’ll have the full range of sounds right back in your mouth), and yes, you can even whistle. If you make your living by whistling, you might want to re-think this or take a few weeks off, because it has been reported that some folks need to relearn it.

#8. You get to join the Lizard Army.

Way better than the Skeleton Army. You get to join the very exclusive lizard army, only those with scales or split tongues can rightfully claim such membership. Those with membership can use the very esteemed text emoticon :B instead of :P, to signify tongue out (thank you wifey for the wonderfully cute suggestion). Okay, so this one isn't the best of the ten reasons to commit to the split, but I put it here anyways. Join us.

#9. There’s a lot of resources out there for split tongue procedures, and people too.

This isn't something that you would think is vague and niche. The split tongue movement has become one of the most common body modification in the past 25 years. The first recorded split was in 1996 by a Miss. Dustin Allor, a 19-year-old body piercer in the U.S. Since then, tens of thousands have undergone the procedure, and I suspect, many more will in the next decade. There’s a ton of resources out there available for you to learn more about the surgical process, the benefits, cons, and more. There’s even more people out there willing to help you go through this, answer questions, and if you’re looking to get into the Body Mod scene, this is a great way to get started. By the way, as long as you are not a minor, legally, this stuff is a grey area which means you have nothing to worry about. Do NOT get your tongue split if you’re headed into the military, they explicitly say that forked tongues are not allowed, unless medically proven to be needed.

#10. Because you want to.

Tongue splitting is a decision only you can make. Not your friends. Not your family. Not your weird uncle that has a picture frame portrait of himself and his wife naked in the living room. Not even me. You’ll want to think long and hard (heh) about this decision before researching professional body modification artists and/or surgeons that are willing to do this procedure. I’ll tell you one thing: it’s the one procedure that really can only enhance your life in so many ways, without any negative side effects (other than possible social ramifications with friends/family). But if you’re not willing to explore this side of yourself because of friend or family, you might want to consider taking a good long look at what reason (or reasons) you’re making a decision in regards to what people think of you. I’ve learned the hard way that to truly live life to its fullest, you need to put aside your worries of friends and family judging your decisions. You can still respect them, but you do not have to adhere to them. Don’t hold back. This is your decision.

What about the cons? What the hell dude?

You’re right. That’s not fair of me. Let’s talk about the cons, because, as awesome as getting a split tongue can be, there are always things you want to consider. If you get this done by anyone other than a professional, you could mess with some nerves, you could bleed out and need to go to the emergency room, you could lose some feeling. It would take a real damned bad doctor to make a mistake that could lead to those issues, but it is a risk you take if you don’t see a professional, or worse, you try it yourself. The procedure can cost anywhere from $500 to $2500, depending on your insurance, your doctor, and your professional body modification artist. The worst, realistic, cons that you’re going to have is the healing process: it can take from 2–4 weeks for the tongue to fully heal up. You’re going to have to live on apple sauce, vegan yogurt (dairy not recommended during healing), smoothies, and so on. You won’t be able to talk for a while, being that your tongue will be swollen: paper and pen are god’s gift in this scenario. Check out this link for tips. It can also be hard to find people to do this procedure. If you can get to Canada, in Vancouver, Russ Foxx (the one I’m going too), is a very professional and awesome dude to get it done with. I’d highly recommend him. If anyone has a good list of folks who do this kind of thing for those interested and not close to Canada, let me know, and I’ll link it up!

I can’t wait to join the Lizard Army. I hope you join me too. :-)

(I’ll be getting my split this month, I’ll document as much as I can for you folks)

Edit: Dustin got in touch to let me know that I incorrectly referenced her as a “Mr.”, I’ve updated the post to reflect that change. Super stoked she found and read this post, unbelievable privilege. Grammatical and spelling errors fixed, including two new sources as well. Thanks!

If you like this post, PLEASE share it on Facebook, Twitter, and on Medium! Thank you so much guys and gals! ❤

Sources from this blog post