How I rethought my life
It’s been one year ago. I was rushing to the post office after the home-office shift. The employees couldn’t find the shipment I was expecting to get a week ago. It was my second visit the same week… Why they didn’t deliver it home to the stated address? I don’t know. It made me tired. I left the post office with no positive result and walked back home.
It was about two weeks since my arrival from France. I was crossing the bridge and I became nostalgic. It was painful to watch the videos from sunny South France. ‘Life is too short to spend it on the bad beaches, Sam’, my friend Ali said. We met by chance a few years ago when I was staying at him via Couchsurfing. Amazing time. I felt so free.
I was standing at the bridge, wearing a coat. It was mid-October, cold autumn in Central Europe. You could feel the unease and worries in the air. Another lockdown was announced. I swallowed. ‘Come on, girl. You’ll survive it. Focus on work, university and education. Stick to your routines. You’ll get out of it like a master in spring.’ I thought to myself. I started counting when the days will be long and warm again. In about half a year. Damn it.
I calmed down. I knew that I can make it anyway despite all that I thought is coming. I listened to my breath and the river. Last evening cars, people driving home before the curfew. I looked at the Prague castle, and the old bridge, the key monuments of the city. ‘It’s beautiful. I live in a nice city. I still can go out to wind off and enjoy the history of the old town. I’m grateful for being here.’ I enjoyed the flow of gratefulness and appreciation for a while.
‘But I mean… Is this the only reality I can live? Is this the most I can get from life at the moment? Is this what I really want? Do I want to be HERE? Feeling like a hero for surviving with the anxiety of the same four walls every single day with my Mac?’
I was enjoying the rethinking process of my life. These few minutes of freezing on the bridge changed everything.
‘Where I’d love to be now? I mean, life’s short. Live like there’s no tomorrow, right? Do I really have to suffer like this?’
I’ve realized I had a dream for years. I’ve always wanted to go to Georgia. But people were telling me that it’s not safe to go alone. ‘Oh my, I traveled dozens of cities alone. I can make it now, I’m sure. I just feel like I need to escape this.’ But could I enter the country? It was closed for foreigners for almost the whole year. ‘Oh, that article I read in summer! They wanted to announce some Remotely from Georgia program for people from abroad to get to the country and to work from there!’
I started Googling it.
Blurry conditions, free and easy to apply to… I’ll have to do some more research, but yeah, I think I can do it.
‘I’m sitting at home to work, to study, to learn, to fill my educational goals. Why couldn’t I sit elsewhere? I mean — is there something crucial why should I stay here? No.’
I called my mum.
‘Hey, what if I moved to Georgia?’
‘Say what?’
‘Yeah, I mean Georgia, the country I’ve always wanted to visit.’
‘Oh come on, just stay here, no need to complicate things.’
‘Actually, I’ve already decided. I mean, it totally makes sense. Great food, nature, Russian language I want to improve anyway. Also, it should be cheaper than here. The things I’m doing now — I can do them anywhere else in the world. Why should I be staying here?’
‘I see… Well, I don’t know. Do your research, think about it yourself. You know better. But, I wouldn’t go. I mean — is it safe?’
‘Sure, sure. Okay, thanks, while explaining it to you, I’ve decided on 100%, I should do it.’
I am very spontaneous. I wanted to be sure that the decision made sense. I’ve decided that I’ll make my research over the weekend in the next 48 hours and if I won’t change my mind, I’ll give notice from my flat on Monday.
So I did it. There was almost no information on that Remotely from Georgia program. I just found one news article and some Facebook groups for expats with unclear information. I checked the law that was announcing this approval (it is not an official visa, rather an approval to enter the country). Also, there was a very limited amount of flights to the country from very few cities in the world. In 48 hours, I was done with my research. I gathered about 20 A4 of information, from the best districts in the capital to the food delivery.
I got approval from work that it doesn’t really matter from where I’ll be working as long as I’ll be doing my job well. This was crucial. Let’s do it.
On Monday, I gave notice from my flat.
I bought a one-way flight ticket.
I ordered my first suitcase.
A very few people actually knew that I’m about to leave. It was very hard for me. I didn’t want to talk about the decision, because most people didn’t understand. My granny asked me ‘And where will you wash your clothes there? In a river?’. Most people don’t even know where Georgia is.
I’ve realized I don’t need the approval or listen to the opinions of others. It’s my life and my decision.
I was not afraid I will be missing my friends because I was not meeting almost anyone during the pandemic. Some people I’ve said it to were asking things like ‘So you don’t want to meet up anymore? You’re leaving me here?’ but, when you texted them to catch up, they never had time. One guy I dated told me ‘Don’t leave too soon, okay? I want to see you again.’ And when I asked a few days later in the chat when he will be available, he replied, that he’ll let me know. He never texted me anymore.
Some people think I was lonely, but no. I was alone but proud of myself and my decision. I knew that I live what I want and not what society wants. It’s very hard to make such a decision, to leave everything behind. I had an incredible fear I will miss something.
On the other hand — I knew that I can always go back.
I never did.
After almost a year of my life abroad, I can hardly express how many beautiful things I’ve experienced. I am so glad I left. I live a life I’ve always wanted. And I can tell, that I never want to go back anymore.
I have no clue about where I will be in a year or five. However, I don’t think it will be the country of my origin.
Being abroad even daily means being outside of your traditional comfort zone. You speak a different language, you have to talk to new people you don’t know and you adapt to the new culture and conditions. You don’t do this at your home place because it’s just easier to ask your friends for help. But when you don’t know anyone here, you cannot ask your friends, huh?
So far, it’s been an incredible lesson. I took dozens of flights, visited a huge amount of beautiful places, and drank a lot of amazing Georgian red dry wine. (Saperavi for life!)
I have no clue what’s next, but I cannot wait, because I’m sure it’s gonna be amazing.
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