If anything else, then be whole in 2023.
I was always fascinated by a very simple thought — digging for the root cause. It made me totally fall in love with IT and problem-solving. When there’s an issue in IT, you must understand both the wide perspective and the principles that build things bottom-up. You dig from the upside down, understanding the different angles of the problem and all the influences.
Of course, it’s exciting to understand what may be the possible issues for the higher latency in internet connectivity. (In human words —why the picture is loading for that long.) However, as a curious grown-up kid, I totally fell for the topic of individual freedom (and its root cause and condition). It’s something that definitely drove me this year. One of the most beautiful feelings in 2022 was ‘I am where I am supposed to be’ — I feel like being exactly where I belong.
I embraced individual freedom in my writings here on the blog, on my LinkedIn, or as a Liberland Representative to Georgia. Since I write also a lot about Remote Work, many people think I try to promote it, but in fact, I promote freedom. I became freedom.
A few days ago, I was sitting with one guy at the viewpoint here in Phuket in Thailand. We were discussing philosophy, perception, and then generally what we want.
‘So, would you call yourself a digital nomad?’ he asked me.
‘Mmm, not really. I don’t like the associations. I’d call myself the way I invented myself instead — the freeist; a person who acts based on accepting a full responsibility for own life.’ I replied.
In spring, I brought together some principles that can help us to broaden our opportunities in life. I called this to become The Freeist. However, it interconnects in accepting full responsibility for own life. It’s the root cause and condition. Through understanding that there’s no one else to blame, and accepting our own ***, we really can become freer.
Yes, I know it’s more comfortable to say life is deterministic and there’s no free will. Well, then again — it’s about what you choose. And I choose to be The Freeist, despite sometimes it sucks. I just went through weeks of being upset about myself for allowing certain people to enter my life. I had to be upset to become accepting afterward. I accepted responsibility for myself and for what happens in my life. And I want the good to happen, so I put the effort in.
Responsibility for own life is the adult concept in psychology. Distinguishing what we control is a stoic principle. But there’s something that stated perfectly what I feel — the objectivism of Ayn Rand in her the Virtue of Selfishness. You can read many of my favorite quotes I listed here. I think it’s the best book I’ve read in 2022. And I read ~ 1 book / week this year.
‘There are four interrelated considerations which are involved in a rational man’s view of his interests, but which are ignored or evaded in the above question and in all similar approaches to the issue. I shall designate these four as: (a) ‘Reality,’ (b) ‘Context,’ ( c ) ‘Responsibility,’ (d) ‘Effort.’ ‘
— Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness
In December, I gave myself a little gift. (I’m exceeding the bucket list a bit, should write a new one soon.) I write a lot about remote work, right? I work remotely for years and it’s like stating the obvious to me already. Yet, I know people still face some issues when it comes to bringing it to the next level (like traveling full time or just exploring, understanding there are no limits, issues with socializing, keeping the habits, and so on).
And so, as a remote worker promoter, what else could I want than giving a presentation about remote work in the n.1 spot for remote workers in the world? (considering I enjoy public speaking)
I spoke in Chiang Mai about how to upgrade the Remote Work condition. You can see the recording here.
I love to think about the presentation in advance — it’s beautiful to see how the subconscious mind starts processing the idea and then you get unexpected new insights and perspectives on how this could be done. I was thinking about all those issues people text me about (I have.. far too many messages on LinkedIn to reply to all of them, I am sorry). And that’s where I get back to the root cause (and condition).
I’ve realized, that we all would be very satisfied human beings if we would work on one single thing:
Self-fulfillment.
The lack of it seriously holds us back. It makes us dependent (and addicted). It limits us. It says what’s possible and not. It says we lack something external, despite in fact we lack internal satisfaction.
‘Life is terrible, when there’s no one else to blame, right?’ says my favorite self-development guy (Petr Osipov).
One of my many takeaways from this year is that the better and more expensive you treat yourself, the better and more expensive others will treat you. How come? You will never allow anything less to enter your life. Beautiful people are beautiful every day. No one asks you to postpone the best for you for later.
‘If some men do not choose to think, but survive by imitating and repeating, like trained animals, the routine of sounds and motions they learned from others, never making an effort to understand their own work, it still remains true that their survival is made possible only by those who did choose to think and to discover the motions they are repeating.’
— Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness
‘But that’s not easy!’, said one guy after my presentation about The Freeist concept (accepting full responsibility for own life) back in summer.
‘I’ve never said it’s easy.’ I replied.
It’s such a simple, yet essential thought. Assuming that self-fulfillment is the interconnecting solution, I tried to observe it around me (and within me). I realized that self-fulfillment makes us get rid of the urgency, and the neediness. To me, it’s even the understanding of the Buddhist ‘Desire is suffering’. But it is not aimless. It’s the peaceful acceptance of being enough the way it is now. It doesn’t mean the nihilist lack of meaningfulness. Things are the way they are, whole on their own.
Reading the Body Keeps the Score (Good Reads) about how trauma projects in our lives, I again believe in wholeness, self-fulfillment, and self-sufficiency. If we are whole on our own, (if and only if), then we don’t blame and we are not needy. At the same time, we understand the real needs and accept them, we don’t suppress them. We don’t invalidate them. We accept we need and deserve love, understanding, acceptance, a feeling of safety, and belonging. Being heard and seen.
Over 2 years ago, I felt very happy with my life, I was doing things for myself, enjoying my time off, hobbies, and travels. Yet, I had a little need within, a hope, a wish — I was thinking ‘It’d be beautiful to have the opportunity to share this with someone’. It felt a little bit like a little empty spot within that would become truly full with the other person.
What I used to do would be perfectly described and full on its own if saying ‘Measure your self-fulfillment by observing what you’re doing when no one is watching and you tell no one’. However, there still was this empty space, this need to share.
I also sometimes notice the same thing at that endless quoting of ‘The only best memories are when shared.’ or ‘You can have a good experience if you’re with good people there.’.
And you know what?
I don’t agree.
I think that the best memories and experiences are when you don’t need anyone else there. When they are full and whole on their own. When you’re needless of anyone else to be there. When the fact you’re there alone is as good enough as if you were there with someone else.
This is not a tribute to solitude. I am a heavy extrovert — despite now I understand that my brightness has always been actually a subconscious desire to be loved.
Every time when I realize I lack something — as I wish for more acceptance, love, or care, I ask myself: ‘How can I give it to myself?’. And I keep this strong awareness of possible self-fulfillment.
I know that being self-fulfilled is also a precondition to being aware of who I am, who I want to be, and where I stand. It’s about understanding my wishes, and needs. It allows me to be consistent with myself. Doing things for myself. I know I’m brave enough to see in me the good and the bad.
I understood that self-fulfillment and wholeness are also the connection of the emotional, mindful and physical state together. I consider all those reality runaways (that’s what I call the addictions, dependencies — like alcohol, social media, smoking, or even workaholism, excessive sports, or.. anything excessive), as a lack of ability to accept the whole scale of the emotional states. It’s the unbearable reality that’s so overwhelming to face, that we better drink to pass out than to perceive what’s happening.
‘The problem is sometimes the solution’ is a great idea from the Body Keeps Score book — e.g., the problem of excessive eating, is often the solution to some reality of the subconscious problem.
And, so I understand why it’s not that easy to go, face it all, accept it all, and work on self-fulfillment. It can get so (emotionally) overwhelming, that it’s unbearable. It requires huge bravery and responsibility. And why would we opt in for that much effort, if there’s an easier solution — a reality runaway, a life waste, where we can blame the external world?
Earlier this year I wrote about my understanding of the Lack of pleasure here. Today, I’d add that it’s also the inability of experiencing pleasurable emotions. It’s the self-restriction to feel. To feel alive. It’s unbearable. And of course, under the pressure of the status quo and society paradigm, it’s very difficult to stand out and realize, that the whole society is sick.
‘When everyone is sick, no one considers it a disease.’ — that’s how I’d describe my perception of this year. There’s not a judgment though, but a lot of acceptance.
And so, my wish for 2023 is for us to be whole. It’s a long journey, that’s worth taking. When looking around, I understand that just a very very few people take this path. It feels frightening to stand out that much at first. But I understand I’d never look back. The more we stand out and set up boundaries, the more we attract like-minded people who are in the same position. Been there — done that. It’s working.
So, there we go with the 2023 wishes:
Be whole.
Last year I wished we stayed curious. The one before, to be aware. For the next year, I’ll wish all of us to be and stay whole.
To be whole — to be well aware of who we are and then be consistent with ourselves in our actions.
To be whole — on the physical, mental, and emotional state together.
To be whole — understand our own flexibility, that we flow like a water and we’re never the same.
To be whole — to accept the past, acknowledge it with its emotions, label it as a past and understand where we stand today in the present.
To be whole — understand what holds us back and get rid of it.
To be whole — create the presence and the future that serves us and doesn’t go against it.
To be whole — create surroundings where there’s enough space for us. The one we want.
To be whole — to do what we love and want. For that, we must understand the needs and wishes we suppressed and fulfill them. Getting back to ourselves.
To be whole — on the solitude level, without a need to share, to enjoy the process — be it the process of living as well.
To be whole — to be enough; with acceptance, awareness and trust. To give up self-control.
To be whole — to give oneself enough love, acceptance, understanding, and care. There’s no one else to blame.
To be whole — to be needless. Needless, though, doesn’t mean aimless. It means to get rid of the urgency.
To be whole — to be complete.
I wish us to be whole, on our own. And to bring this wholesomeness into a connection with another self-fulfilled individual.
The home is you.
With love,
Sam
