Lack of passion
Since childhood, we’re mostly driven by external motivation: grades, appreciation, and attention of our parents, school, or work deadlines. I got to the understanding that most of us have never experienced the drive passion can bring. I talk about the flow when you forget about time (you can get this from the deep&mindful work too) AND that thing that gets you up from the bed in the morning and makes you run like crazy. However, that thing is something YOU internally want.
I experienced an exciting drive when I worked on certain projects you may say that fulfilled the concept of ikigai — the world needs it, you are good at it and you enjoy it, it brings some $$.
We all have the need to feel we’re doing something meaningful. This is often misused with propaganda, giving our lives certain meaningfulness through bad things. However, people get crazy about it and are willing to contribute because they lack any other sense in their life. That’s definitely dangerous. The world would be a beautiful place if we all had loved meaningful life. It’s not that easy though.
Going back to our childhood. We tried some activities and had some hobbies. I’ve been already writing about the ‘forgotten habits’. Sadly we encountered some authorities in our lives. They told us that we definitely shouldn’t do some things.
When you’re a little kid, everyone older than you by one day is is an authority. Being aware of this may make you realize how ‘relevant’ their advice was. Have you remembered some teachers with their own complexes and zero purposes? Or someone who was just envious of you, so they told you something unpleasant?
You hardly ever met the number #1 person in the world who has something to tell you about what you should do and not. Even the wisest person (who is it, please?) in the world doesn’t know, because we’re all different. We come from different cultures that set what we consider ‘normal’ and ‘accepted’ or ‘moral’. Despite I feel today’s world is shifting people’s mindsets towards the cosmopolitan, global one, our beliefs are still run by the environment and influence we encountered during our lives. Most of us never realize they live in their own shelter, surrounding themselves with what they believe in. They never escape their paradigm and worldview.
We come from different cultures that set what we consider ‘normal’ and ‘accepted’ or ‘moral’.
We run through life like crazy. We’re constantly compared towards the cultural norms that are given by OUR environment and are different around the world. We believe this is the only possible perspective because we were never told otherwise. We easily follow the given viewpoint and adjust our lives to meet what’s expected. It’s not our fault. Everyone is doing it, so why should you stand back?
We rush, rush, to be born. Not too early, not too late. Is that kid too heavy or too little? It must be a sign that you were born at midnight. In April. Or August. On the twenty-first or twenty-fifth. It will determine your life forever. (Hahaha. Next.)
Grow, grow, grow up. And the teeth. How many do you have? Oh, my kid had one more when he was your age. That’s not normal. Aren’t you too heavy? Too little? Too tall? Eating too many sweets? Maybe you deserve one? Do you already know to read? And write? And you don’t eat legumes?
This is healthy. And this is not.
But now I’ll eat my chips and then I tell you. Oh, you already have the glasses? It will definitely get worsen. It’s genetics. It’s bad. Other kids are laughing at you. You have glasses and they don’t. And braces, too. It gets stylish by the time you grow up. It doesn’t look that bad. They keep laughing.
You’re young and those kids are older. They already know everything. They’re ahead. And you must have a good grade. Because your siblings did too. And your classmates. And your friend. What will the neighbors say? Your parents will be upset if you don’t. Study. Study hard. And rush to those five different clubs after school. Be good at every activity you do. Because others are good. And you must win. There’s a competition. It’s fine that you were third. Here’s your ice cream. But don’t eat too much of it. (‘Don’t enjoy it.’ lol)
Oh, you got a bad grade, how come? You’re dumb. You’re not enough. Why do others have good grades? You not. Be good at all the subjects. You must know everything. You read too slow. You’re too loud and you speak too quickly.
Slow down. Don’t be nervous. Don’t be impatient. Don’t be stressed.
Don’t be stressed.
Don’t be stressed.
Don’t be stressed.
Don’t be stressed.
Don’t be stressed.
Did you fail?
Choose your high school.
You don’t know. That’s fine, go to the comprehensive school. You will deepen your knowledge. How come you’re not good at singing? Or, a bad grade from chemistry, too? Do you say you like writing? Why were you rated by C then? Are you failing? Your teacher told me that you’re not good at writing, you shouldn’t do this. And that. That’s not good.
I can see that technology is important. I read an article about this field. That guy on the TV was saying something about powerplants. They are hiring. It will be an industry of the future. Will you go and study artificial intelligence? Or VR? Or medicine? Becoming a lawyer might be a promising career. I know you don’t like biology, but you must learn it. I think you shouldn’t go with boys outside every day. You must study. At school. After school. Till night. Why are you playing these online games? You don’t have any appropriate interests. What will the neighbors say?
I expect you choose a good career path. Are you crazy? Do you want to study journalism? Do you want to become a painter? Artists don’t have any future. You’re dumb. You don’t have any future. You’ll end up being a garbage man. Seriously? Medicine? There are enough doctors. Go for atomic physics instead. You will destroy your life if you go this way. I know what I am talking about. How about pedagogy? The world will need teachers… No? Just don’t end up as I did. Look at your father.
That’s good you went to university. Study hard. It will pay off. Do you have a boyfriend yet? Are you gay? Vegetarian? Who taught you this? And how about work? Oh, I see. You’re studying. When I was your age, I was already married. And I had finished my studies. I had good grades. And he, he had a job — two companies and two kids.
These people are influencers. They have fifty thousand more followers than you are. And they look great and you don’t. Are you making so little? I forgot. You’re studying. Well, you may better save some money too. Do you have savings? Don’t forget to send your tax report. Don’t be late.
Do you have a job? This position is not good enough for you. I expected more from you.
All these people are more successful than you are.
And they are younger.
Rush before it’s too late. You don’t have kids yet? That’s good that you took the mortgage. How could you take the mortgage? It’s insane. You’ll never pay it. You can afford to live in this area? Why do you have such a little flat? And income? Cannot you get a pay rise? Get a pay rise. Do you work 12 hours a day? That’s good. Did you burn out? Yeah, I’ve heard it’s trendy to say today.
Do you go to a therapist? Are you ill? Do you have a husband yet? Kids? Do you need to lend money? Are you saving for your retirement? You haven’t been on any holiday this year? Aren’t you going on too many holidays? Where did you make for this? Why are you cooking at home? Aren’t you going to the restaurants too often?
Nice boyfriend. This guy is not appropriate for you. Why are you together? How much does he make? What is his profession? Do you think this will work? Does he bring you flowers? Why you haven’t told me before about him? When will you get married? I see you’re together just for a month. And kids? It’s time. I think you should have kids now. I read an article and they are saying that you’re already too old for kids. Or too young. When I was your age I already had three kids. And a house. And you’re playing video games at night. You don’t want to have kids?
You’re old and alone. Do you believe you’ll find someone in your forties? In your fifties? You better start with some sport. Don’t do this or you get a heart attack. Aren’t you drinking too much coffee? Tea? Too many sweets? Why are you eating salads all the time? Are you a rabbit? Aren’t you too thin? Aren’t you obese?
Where’s your saving now? Why are you so upset? You don’t like your job? Have you paid your mortgage yet? Oh, you still live in a rent? Insane! Where will you live once you get older? Have you tried that online dating? Why aren’t you going outside? Aren’t you too fat? Start running. Get these pills, they’ll help you to lose weight. Go to the doctor. Do you eat that many pills? Are you ill?
Oh, that’s so sad. You’re old and lonely. Where do you want to have your funeral? You don’t have any kids? You have too many kids. Are you meeting people too often? Too little? Are you watching TV only? Have you watched that movie? I think you gathered too many things throughout your life. You don’t have anything at home, how come? How about your inheritance?
You deceased so early. I wanted to tell you so much. There was so little time. I hope you had a happy life. And that you have peace now. Do you?
I am reading it again to edit the text and I am sitting here and crying. It makes me sad to see such pressure that we are facing. I got anxious just by writing all this. If curious, it is not my life. I’ve heard some of these phrases, of course. However, it’s what I see around.
What is too much?
Too much comparison, too much pressure, too much of norm? I could definitely add on much more.
We were constantly compared under such terrible pressure. Far before social media existed, we were told if we were good enough or not by someone who had a ruined life with no purpose and no right to tell who we are.
You don’t have to explain yourself.
You have the right to leave toxic people.
You have the right to live what you want and the way you want.
No surprise we don’t have time to stop for a little. To slow down and reflect. We’re constantly pressed by the surrounding. And by our own mind as well. To be different, better, to have everything resolved… It will never be resolved. Instead of being ourselves and our better version, we’re comparing (and compared) ourselves to others.
Stop this.
Reflect.
Ask yourself: What was the thing you truly enjoyed in your life? And, if you don’t know, go and try new things to find out.
There’s nothing like too early or too late. There’s no too much or too little.
You’re enough. Just the way you are.
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