Walking Trees Take Over White House!

Shown here: Giant walking tree with Deer ancestry, present at the June 7 White House standoff. Photographed off-site.

(A Social Justice Fantasy)

BREAKING NEWS: Waking Up in a New America

WASHINGTON, DC — While protesters flooded the streets in every state across the US for the eleventh night, outraged over America’s systemic racism and the recent murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery, and while sheltered-at-home Americans shouted across the internet for change and prayed in their multitudinous ways for help, it seems their calls were finally answered. A “glowing forest” walked out of the Atlantic Ocean on June 6, 2020, surrounded the White House, and ultimately enfolded President Trump in its branches on June 7.

Several military and private underwater cameras documented a “walking forest of trees” that appeared without warning in the Atlantic Ocean, near the coast of Maryland on the night of June 6. At 10:57 pm EST, naval submarine pilot Jeremy Lyons’s radar signal indicated the appearance of an unidentified object that had the mass of two football fields. Within five minutes, Lyons could see the approaching gigantic mass through his submarine windows, as the object emitted what he called a “pale green glow.” Coast Guard officials confirmed the sudden appearance of green light before the trees’ arrival, documented on underwater cameras and vessels along the coast.

Lyons said he witnessed the glowing wall of trees heading toward his submarine, and he knew he had no way to maneuver away before the trees collided with his vessel. His undersea windows turned bright while the forest of glowing trees swept through his location, yet despite the individual trees’ massive size, number, and speed, somehow Lyons’ vessel remained untouched.

According to Lyons, at least some of the trees in the forest have faces. “I swear one looked at me like he was a kind old man, but someone who could also be a tough son of bitch.” Lyons rubbed the tears from his eyes. “Looked at me just like my grandad used to. Most noble man I’ve known.”

Several naval officers and civilians told firsthand stories of witnessing the trees’ upper branches emerging from the Atlantic Ocean’s shoreline and heading up the Potomac River, toward Washington, DC. Each witness, when telling their story, broke down in tears and most said they felt “an overwhelming feeling of love and support” from the green glowing trees and “comforted by their beauty.”

However, once the trees fully emerged their great statures from the Potomac River and walked single-file directly to the White House in Washington, DC, not everyone felt so positive about the forest. The trees “walked” by manner of balancing their enormous weight on twenty-foot-long thin roots, coiled at the bottom likes springs to receive impact, on which they stepped between cars as they quickly trekked up the interstate.

“I was sure we’d die when I saw them trees coming, but they just swept through traffic like nothing,” said Kaytee Jennings, who’d been on her commute home. “All I saw really was like long glowing poles appearing for a second on the road and then lifting to the sky. It reminded me of Cirque du Soleil.”

At 1:23 am EST, President Trump sent a tweet calling for the National Guard, SWAT teams, and civilian militiamen alike to immediately surround the White House to fend off the advancing parade of giant glowing trees. Thousands gathered around to reinforce the newly installed fencing encircling the White House perimeter with a human barricade. Military officers and men and women filled the White House lawn, many carrying automated machine guns and military-grade weapons.

Meanwhile, protestors lined the street, which the DC mayor had recently renamed and painted in giant letters that read, “Black Lives Matter.” The protesters stood on the yellow letters, yelling, “No more war. No more hatred,” and calling for the president to end his human barricade, which endangered thousands of lives. In response, Trump tweeted, “Fight for your life! Defend America from Fake News! The time is now!”

The first glowing trees arrived at the White House at 2:42 am EST, and immediately, civilians and military people alike began dispersing from the human barricade. Each claimed that as soon as they laid eyes on the trees, their alliance changed.

“It was like I woke up there, in the middle of the night on the White House lawn, and I felt comforted just looking at those trees surrounding the building. I knew we were all in this together,” said Rachel Rodriguez, former White House security council. Rodriguez resigned from her position later that morning.

By 3:00 am EST, the entire glowing forest had filled the federal block and towered above the buildings, with each massive tree perched on long thin roots. Demonstrators had backed away from the human barricade into the streets, and the only people still standing on the White House lawn were Trump and a crew of twenty of his allies. In the streets, men and women wept and put their arms around each other. Trump sent a last tweet then, saying, “We have to show them whose [sic] boss!”

The glowing trees throughout the federal block then extended branches that braided together above the White House and lowered a single branch ending into a three-pointed claw, which descended above Trump’s head. For ninety seconds, he attempted to escape the claw as he jogged heavily around the lawn, but the branch chased him and soon enfolded around his body.

“As soon as it grabbed him, it burst out in leaves, and Trump was just screaming like anything, all covered in like ivy, but I don’t think he was hurt,” said Tony White, a witness.

The President was held aloft, ten feet above the ground. Then the branch and leaves holding him illuminated with a green light, and the forest of walking trees glowed brighter, and the ambient din of traffic and voices quieted, till a deep rumbling frequency was audible. It was a low Om. The crowd picked up the tone, singing higher and lower octaves, and chanted along with the trees, till the Om vibrated the ground and was registered on seismographs as far away as Baltimore.

“It was like we were all connected, like a family — but not like my family, like a good family,” said Mimi Richards, who had come with her machine gun. “It was like being at church,” said Ralph Svetlecki, a White House parking attendant. Countless witnesses of the spectacle expressed similar awe and reverence.

Within minutes, the branch’s glow penetrated the President, and pale green capillaries are said to have shown through his skin. His eyes opened wide, and just as the collective Om of the crowd and the walking forest coalesced into a vibration that shook the street signs, Trump gave a choked roar, and then he began to sob, hanging limply in the air from the branch’s leafy claw. Like so, he dangled above his citizens, glowing with the trees’ connecting energy, atop the people gathered and chanting as one, while he moaned and wept.

“It was like a bloodletting,” said Edward Hoover, a local butcher. “It was a healing,” said Reverend Marta Dominguez. “It made everything better,” said Jacob Morgan, four years old. “He felt us, and he couldn’t stop,” said Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley.

President Trump hung in the air above the White House lawn for fifteen minutes, crying loudly. Then the branch’s claw opened, and Trump dropped to the grass and rolled several times. White House doctors affirmed he suffered only minor scrapes from the experience, though all agree it left him a changed man.

By 8:00 am EST of June 7, the President had reversed his stance 180 degrees on almost every issue he’d been fighting. He defunded the US Department of War and police departments, declared all wild lands as sacred entities, released protestors from jail, and spent the morning funding Black Lives Matter and COVID-19 federal support bills that he pushed through with unprecedented finesse.

In a blanket move, he reinstituted every environmental protection he’d dismantled and gave the tribes back their land and water rights. During the afternoon, he refunded all the humanitarian aid projects he’d spent the previous three years cutting. Schools received millions, along with Meals on Wheels and community centers in every state, money which had been diverted from Department of Defense and corporate tax cuts. A reversal of this magnitude has never been witnessed in the White House, but 2020 has already proven itself to be a year of unpredictable outcomes.

Some have mentioned the changes to the President’s looks, in addition to his policies, since Trump’s eye color seems to currently be green, whereas it used to be gray-blue, and now faint green capillaries are said to glow and flash periodically under Trump’s skin. Others claim the effect is a mere trick of the lights.

By all appearances, Trump is connected to his citizens now. When he tries to pass actions that harm the populace, he seizes in arthritic pain that reduce his hands to branchlike claws. Three times, staff aides witnessed Trump try to pass bills giving billionaires tax cuts, but he had terrible fits of arthritis that crippled him and prevented any other movement until he finally signed the bills benefitting the common good instead. Now, Trump only passes humanitarian projects.

Some say he’s only afraid that the walking forest will return to the White House, especially since two grand sequoias have remained rooted like sentries on either side of the building, as if ready to send down a long branch with a claw at any moment, should the President step out of line.

No one has suggested removing the trees. Instead, the federal government has asked Cirque de Soleil to help choreograph a future parade with the walking forest.

This evening, Trump designated July as Black Lives Matter month, and the Senate confirmed that the country’s free college and healthcare programs are set to begin by August 1. Though it’s too late to change ballot affiliation for the November election, along with Trump’s eye color, he says his party is now also Green.

— Action photo by Dawn Sperber.


(It can be spiritual warfare to keep an uplifted heart these days and weather the daily injustices and atrocities. The news is, obviously, overwhelming, full of bad surprises and fear everywhere you turn. This story came out of a dare to myself to write a tabloid story about things — despite all odds — somehow working out. “What could a good outcome look like? Who cares if it’s whack-job fantastical,” I told myself. “Just go.” ~Your turn.)

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