Is it Hot in Here?

This post is part of Think Kit by SmallBox. Today’s prompt: “ A little sweat is good for you: write about a time that you really felt the heat — physically or metaphorically. Where were you? Did it feel oppressive, empowering, or just hot? Were you searching for relief, or savoring every sweltering moment?” 

Heat doesn’t discriminate, it emanates — from every pore of my body! Well, that’s not exactly true; it’s just the pores from the base of my neck to the top of my head. The rest of me is cool — veerry cool. I’m lying on the couch, minding my own business, reading a book. It’s not even THAT kind of book! Suddenly it feels like I’m sitting beneath one of those 60’s hair dryers that drop a helmet over your head, leaving just enough room for humongous curlers and beauty shop gossip. I reach up to lift the helmet of heat. No curlers. No hair dryer. What the hell? And yes — it does feel a bit like hell. Flames licking at the base of my neck, sweat beginning to drip down my collar.

I must be sick! A sudden fever? Did I eat something bad? Oh wait a minute. I feel better. All better. Until about 20 minutes later… And the next day, and two days later. And then there is a short reprieve, maybe three weeks. Yes, I think it was three, but it could’ve been two, I’m just not myself these days.

I consult my private physician, Ms. WebMD. I tell her my symptoms (ok, symptom — singular). I rule out West Nile Virus, Cyanide Poisoning, and Thyroid Storm (No, I didn’t make that up).

A hot flash, sometimes called a hot flush, is a quick feeling of heat and sometimes a red, flushed face and sweating. Hot flashes are the most frequent symptom of menopause and perimenopause. Hot flashes happen in more than two-thirds of North American women during perimenopause and almost all women with induced menopause or premature menopause.

I’m thinking of firing Dr. MD. — I don’t like her bedside manner. I think she is mocking me. I laugh along with her — right in her face. Someone as young as me cannot possibly be having, you know, one of THOSE things. I’m young for crying out loud! I’m wearing an Arcade Fire T-shirt! I went to the stinking concert! 30 year olds hit on me! I think I need ice cream and a trip to Forever 21. (Okay, a trip to Express) Is it hot in here?

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