Moving through stasis

I’ve gone through a whirlwind of traumatic events, revelations and personal crisis over the past five years. So much so, that at times it’s felt safest to stand still and let the world spin around me.

A result of all this motion has been that I’ve retreated into a kind of zero gravity. The things that tied me to life have been useless tools for this new environment, flowers in the end of a rifle.

While everything is floating past me, I’ve felt like the astronaut without a tether, ineptly grasping at the ship through stupid gloved hands. My protective outer coating has saved my life but left me unable to reach what I need. Friendships, love, connection, art.

I’ve watched every sci-fi from Solaris to Star-ship Troopers, and the metaphor of space is that you need something to push against in order to get moving again. So I’ve decided to push against myself. Against my old values, my old personality, against the things in myself that I judge harshly in others. I have been a bitch, I have been defensive, I have been judgemental, and while I am just beginning to understand that this behaviour comes from self protection, I’m pressing the button and detaching.

Hence the blog. I’m hoping for this to be a place of observation, introspection and potential connection. I want to see a giant space baby. I want the psychedelic ho-down montage of 2001. I want to enjoy the ride.