So why are you still acting like you are?
You may not feel afraid, but when I observe your actions, I see fear playing out big time.
And we’re both right.
Now, I realize that you’re probably scratching your head wondering, “how so?”
Your actions are still coming from a place of fear, but now it’s out of habit. This happens when you’ve spent many years afraid of something, and then you did the work to get beyond the fear.
You start facing your fear down and stepping into what scares you, and as a result, you gain confidence. With the newfound confidence, you no longer feel the fear you used to feel. You know you’ve got this.
What happens very often is that when you conquered the fear, you did not instantly lose the habit of acting from a place of fear.
The ways we act and react in the world are based on habit. Remember, by our very nature, we’re creatures of habit, and we know this from good solid science. It stands to reason that when we change a behavior, we must also do the work to adjust our habits that were formed while we had that behavior.
You need new habits.
You’ll see this same dynamic in every addict who has gotten clean or sober, they may no longer be using the substance but their addict behaviors or habits are still there until they do the significant work needed to develop new habits and behaviors.
So, while you may no longer be feeling fearful, you may still be acting as if you were and those habits are what is tripping you up now and keeping you from doing the new things you need to be doing. Take a look at those (ideally with someone you trust to point them out) and work on creating some new habits that support your new fearlessness.
Yes, this human stuff can be hard… and tricky ;)