I was having trouble with people who didn’t “Confirm Subscription” to my mailing list

Until I put in this fail-safe…

I don’t have any data to show if it was effective, but it sure was fun as hell to write.

If you haven’t already done so, head over to your email right now and look for one that says “Please Confirm Subscription to A Millennial Type.”
The moment you click, “Yes, sign me up for this list” you will set off a series of events…
An email will be sent to my expert smoke signaler, Winston, who will then send three succinct and expertly crafted puffs of smoke into the air. J.R., my expert equestrian, and currently located 3 clicks to the west of Winston, will transcribe the puffs of smoke and swiftly gallop 5 clicks east where he will then barter with the local tavern owner, Carl, to forward his message a few towns over to where I live. (J.R. is a busy horse owner, I can’t expect him to do everything). Once the message arrives in town, a man with thick rimmed glasses and weather-worn briefcase (I don’t know his name, I never bothered to ask) will walk a few more blocks and then tap on my window in Morse Code. It’s creepy but effective. I translate the Morse code into something legible for Paul, my master engraver on standby, who then engraves your email address into a 125-year-old Oak tree my great grandfather planted when he was a child. Then, and only then, will you become a subscriber to A Millennial Type.
But you have to first stop reading this and head over to your email.
Winston, J.R. Carl, Creepy Guy, me and Paul are waiting for your command.

If you are interested, you can sign up for my mailing list here: millennialtype.com/email. And don’t forget to confirm your subscription.

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