pexels-photo-47449

Dumyo asks:

I met this girl, she was the first one to approach me. She asked for my number and things were great. We started talking and we would talk everyday. She would tell me little things like she misses me and how I got her out of a dark place. Now I usually stand my guard, but I guess I didn’t this time. One day she asked me who I liked, and I told her. Now after telling her she told me how she still has feelings for her ex and that being good friends is the best option and a good place to be. I was annoyed so I stopped talking to her and she blocked me. Later on, I got over it and tried talking to her and eventually she unblocked me. We still talk all the time and she calls/texts, but I never text her first and I’m not sure exactly where to go on from here. There’s been times where I would just not reply to her texts, cause I was busy and she would get mad saying I’m ignoring her. Then when I would give one or two-word answers, she’d say we barely talk anymore. She’s always telling me how I should dress and look, which is weird. I’m not sure if there’s any reason to pursue it.


Demetrius says:

I can’t tell if the problem is with you, her, or the both of you not being able to handle things maturely, but I can tell you this. Whether or not she friendzoned you, or is just confused doesn’t matter. What matters is that you probably shouldn’t date her, like at all. Off the top of my head, I can think of a few reasons why it’s a bad idea to date her, but the top reason is because SHE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR HER EX. That alone should deter you, and anyone who is looking for a committed relationship, from dating someone Other good reasons not to even consider dating her include: The fact that a woman telling you that being good friends is the best option annoyed you so much you cut her off. The fact that although she told you that platonic friendship is the best option for you both, she doesn’t know how to delineate platonic boundaries versus romantic boundaries.

I get where you’re coming from on your end, because what she’s done so far has been confusing. She took the initiative to approach you, and asked for your number. You started talking on a daily basis, and it seems to me that your early interactions were way less platonic than romantic. All the signs that she was interested in you romantically seemed to be there, then out of the blue she indirectly rejects you because she’s still hung up on her ex. That would be confusing as hell for just about anyone, and trust me on this, I’ve been in this situation a lot of times.

I get where you’re coming from, and I even understand why she might be giving you these mixed messages. You know what a lot of people who aren’t over their exs do? They put themselves in a position where they get some of the things they used to get in a relationship, without all the hassle of actually being in a relationship. There’s obviously a lot of variation from person to person, but generally people either want all of the intimate benefits of a relationship without the commitment of a relationship, or they want all the commitment of a relationship without the intimacy. You might know these things by their common names: “Friends with benefits” and “The Friendzone”. You are definitely in the friendzone, in that you’re being treated like her boyfriend, but are still a friend. Whether or not she’s decided that might change in the future, who can know for sure. But, maybe it shouldn’t matter to you. I don’t think she’s confused, I think she’s getting exactly what she wants. All the things she wants in a relationship (someone to talk to on a regular basis) without any of the things she doesn’t want with you (intimacy). That isn’t confusing to me, it’s having your cake and eating it too.

Even if she changes her mind, you probably shouldn’t date her, and you definitely need to set some boundaries in your friendship if you choose to remain friends. You seem to be very much into her, which is fine because hey sometimes your friends are also babes, and it seems like she likes you on more than just a platonic level, but you’re probably not a good fit for each other. As much as the backbone of your relationship is supposed to be platonic, I can’t think of any friends of mine who, if I made a romantic advance toward them and they rejected me, that I would completely stop talking to them. I also can’t think of any friendship I have where they’d tell me how to dress, or complain that I’m ignoring them because I didn’t respond to a text because I’m bus.That’s something you do when you’re in a relationship, not a friendship.

So to answer your actual questions: Yes, you are in the friendzone. No, she’s not confused. She might want more, but I don’t see her suddenly realizing that she’s over her ex and ready to date you. If she does, I don’t think you she’s a good fit for you.

Good Luck Out There.

Filed under: Dating & Relationships Tagged: advice, Casual dating, casual relationship, casual relationship advice, dating, Dating & Relationships, dating a friend, dating advice, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, dating and relationships, dating Q and A, Dating questions, dating questions and answers, online dating, relationship, relationship advice, relationships, self help

Originally published on Wordpress