pexels-photo-116234

You might have seen an article making the rounds recently that discusses how to approach women who have their headphones in, and more specifically, how to get them to talk to you when they give you several clues that they don’t actually want to talk to you. I’m not going to roast the guy for writing it, far better writers have already done so, but I wanted to bring it up because the points in the article are primarily about overcoming opposition when picking someone up, which has always bothered me. Be insistent, ignore body language clues, and just press forward to get what you want is the crux of the article, and most articles written by pickup artists. I will freely admit that I am not a fan of pickup artists and the subculture around pickup. Many people try to defend pickup artists (PUAS) and the PUA subculture by saying that they teach a lot of men how to build confidence and social skills, but the emphasis of pickup through attrition, for me, negates any of the goodwill they earn by helping men develop social skills. This focus on getting the gratification you want, whether it’s winning back an ex, having one-night stands, getting phone numbers, etc., by wearing down the defenses of women who tell you “No” sounds less like dating and more like a siege.

I honestly don’t care what you consider a dating success or what your goals are, nor will I judge you for what you’re looking for as long as you do so ethically. Want to sleep with someone new every night? Have fun, be honest about what you’re looking for, and be safe. Looking for the love of your life? Protect your heart, keep an open-mind, and get out there and try find the one for you. Looking for a unicorn for your threesome? Best of luck to you and have fun if you find one. I’m not going to judge you if what you consider a dating success is how much penetrative sex you have, but dating like you’re a sleazy salesman is neither beneficial to you, nor respectful to the women you’re trying to pickup. I’m sure that through dogged persistence, it’s entirely possible to convince a woman to give you want you want, but doing that by making a woman feel pressured or intimidated is not right. At all. Like, not even a little bit. Seriously, why is it 2016 and I have to keep saying this?

Here’s a better way to date: Take no for an answer. It’s how I’ve always dated and, fun fact, I’m good at dating. That’s the whole point in listening to PUAS right? They’re supposed to be good at pickup, dating, and seduction and they’ll help you do both. Well, I’m here to tell you that you can take no for an answer and still be successful in dating. I’m living proof of that. I’ve been successfully approaching and picking up women, and have been sexually active for 18 years of my life. Safe to say my method is working out for me. I’m just as successful in love as pretty much any pickup artist out there, by their standards, and my entire dating approach is to take rejections and move on.

Besides not being predatory when you date, which by itself is a great motivation, taking no for an answer is just a logical way to approach dating. Let’s say you follow the general PUA idea that No’s are something you should try to overcome. How long does it take you to turn a very insistent rejection into a lackluster acquiescence? A couple of minutes, an hour, a couple of days, or maybe years of persistence trying to force your way out of the friendzone? Imagine if you took that time and used it to approach other women who might actually be receptive to talking to you. Imagine how many more chances you’d have to find someone who wants the same things as you, rather than trying to browbeat a woman into giving you what you want out of fear, exhaustion or pity. Oh right, I didn’t even get into the whole thing where if you’ve “convinced” a woman to change her “No” to a “Yes”, odds are good she’s doing it out of fear, exhaustion, or just plain old pity. Do you really want to be the sort of person who can only get laid that way? What sort of man wants that? Wouldn’t you rather be actively chosen by someone rather than having to convince them of your worth? Do you really value yourself so little that you think it’s normal that women need to be convinced to give you a shot? Don’t you deserve better than that? Let me put it in a way that men seem to understand a little better: You interview for a job, they realize you’re not a good fit, then tell you that they wont be hiring you. Would you beg and grovel and try to convince them that you’re a good fit, or would you man the hell up and move on and continue your job search?

That’s what it comes down to when you’re trying to turn a rejection into an acquiescence, you’re begging.There are men and women out there pushing PUA methods and techniques on you for profit, purposefully teaching you that grovelling and/or intimidation is a valid way to pickup women, because keeping you weak puts money in their hands. I’m telling you, for free, that you can take a no for an answer and still be successful at dating. Take no for an answer, and use the time you would take trying to convince someone of your worth to find someone who recognizes your worth. You deserve better than only sleeping with or dating women who you have to convince to like you, and the women you try to pickup deserve to be treated with respect when they give you a No, whether it’s verbal or non-verbal.

Look at the “No” you receive as an opportunity. Not an opportunity to try to sell yourself, but as an opportunity to seek out a woman who will give you an enthusiastic yes.

Good Luck Out There.

Filed under: Dating & Relationships Tagged: advice, Casual dating, casual relationship, casual relationship advice, dating, Dating & Relationships, dating a friend, dating advice, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, dating and relationships, dating Q and A, Dating questions, dating questions and answers, online dating, relationship, relationship advice, relationships, self help

Originally published on Wordpress