Designers, artists, writers and the Horcrux effect.
How the Imposter Syndrome branches off into other mental struggles.
You’ve been spending days, weeks, months working on a piece of art, a design, an article. You breathe a heavy sigh of relief. Finally — All the hard work, effort, research and love was worth it. Your eyes glimmer with excitement as you can’t wait to show off the next revolutionary work to the world.
But oh the treacherous heart, it put a spell on you without you realizing it. Not a spell; a curse. Something that every artist warns you about. That creation becomes your horcrux.
Most of us know enough about the Harry Potter series to realize something and for those who don’t — Horcrux is any object in which you keep a part of your soul. Something which is an extreme taboo in the Harry Potter world.
Horcruxes are a bad idea.
So you might be thinking “Horcrux? Art? How are they even connected!” Keep reading.
How the horcrux effect takes away your humanity… or at least your objectivity.
I read recently about the confirmation bias. (You can read a beautiful article about it here by Lakshmi Mani — https://medium.com/behavior-design/confirmation-bias-why-you-make-terrible-life-choices-43fc6d6dcbe1 )
I shared work that I squeezed my soul into with friends, teachers and online communities. But the problem was, I only wanted to confirm what I believed. So I did something obnoxious. I believed my work was great, and anyone I found saying otherwise was thoroughly scrutinized on the basis of his accolades and dismissed if not ‘proven’ an expert. Even if they were proven expert, I’d convince myself that he was not seeing the whole picture. The real meaning. Its alright. My work is still perfect.
What I failed to realize was that I thought I wanted criticism. But I just wanted some appreciation for the work I was proud of. I wanted others to love it as much as I did and I still want them to. I could barely take harshness towards it. How could I? Its my prized, dear, adorable creation. This is different from my other creations. Something perfect… right?
This is when I should’ve realized that I… had been horcrux’d.
Replace the “I” with “you”. Does it hit you somewhere? Later, I did realise that I was a victim of the confirmation bias and needed to do something about it.
It was my sister who made me realize this situation. She saw my design on Instagram and just casually mentioned “Maybe you could try doing it this way?” I went all defensive and started justifying why I did what I did and why technically it was fine. That’s when she said “Oh. That means you are not taking criticism.” That’s when it hit hard. I actually was seeing criticism of my finished work as an attack on me. Strange how eight words can make you write an entire article.
“But Vidit! No, its not like that. I really want to improve, but criticisms always sting. It’s not that I’m biased!”
I understand, dear friend. I do. But it wasn’t until recently that I realized its not criticism I seek when I post a finished project. I look for them when I am in process of finishing it. When I haven’t given birth to my adorable creation yet. Its embarrassing and shameful to agree to the fact that I was objectively blind. But.
Its better to grow from the embarrassment of now than the regret of tomorrow.
Crushing the curse —
I know this resonates with many starting artists and creatives out there, so let me tell you what can be done.
The solutions below are supposed to be really harsh and unfair. You won’t really feel a gentle change and I’m sorry. I really am. But I want to be genuine and personal with you. However, these are 3 small steps that have helped me with my own curse.
- Acknowledge it— You’ve heard this often. Its kind of a repetitive mantra that you find in every self help article. But honestly. It’s repeated a lot for a reason. This curse is not something you easily break and is often a problem for us young designers. But time weakens the curse… heals the wound. All it needs to get started is acknowledgement of the wound. The curse. The horcrux.
- Let the community know what kind of comments you want — We get disappointed and doubt ourselves because the community gave us a kind of feedback we weren’t looking for. There is nothing wrong in telling others that you are proud of your creation for x and y reason and do not want to change anything. Absolutely nothing. Let me give you an example.
“Hey guys, this is a project I worked on for a production company and the client wanted a minimal and tight logo. I gave them these options which they loved because of how the letters interlocked and so did I. It might have slight legibility issues but I felt this is a mark that works well.”
Most people would understand that this is a closed case and you want comments based on what they like about it. Even then if something sticks out to them, they’ll mention their differing opinion but acknowledge how it would work based on your perspective. Trust me. When you like it, there is not a lot to hate about it. They will understand why you like the creation. - Involve the community at an earlier stage — When we’re starting out we’re afraid to show the behind the scenes. This is a major problem that new designers face. The Dreaded Imposter Syndrome.
You have a pulsing tightness in your chest when the thought of showing your process crosses your mind.
“They’ll know I’m fake. I’m not a real designer. I’m not sure if i did it the right way. Is there a right way?”
We make ourselves believe that every other designer knows what they are doing and I do not. But do we ever think that maybe, just maybe… even they might have gone through a similar experience or still are? What we realize later is that there is no wrong way. Everyone has their own way to approach a problem and its alright. Share the progress early on to let the design/art/article take shape. Once you declare it finished, your community will too.
Honestly I don’t think I can ever get rid of horcruxes. How could I? I love my work. However, I do notice that the period for which I’d be sensitively attached to my work has gone down. Earlier I used to be attached for months. Nowadays it has gone down to a day or less. The glamour of creating something won’t ever stop you from making horcruxes. But the curse of attachment does ease up after a while. Stay at it. Keep going. The air that enters your chest after your tightened heart relaxes is beautiful —
Next up, the internal war for numbers, stats and social media engagement.
Who am I?
I’m a young designer. Trying to find my way around the world. What I do know is I am Vidit, and very Vidit at that. Leave a response below if you feel like this or have ever felt this way before and how you tackled it.
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