Where do you Mourn When Friendship Dies?

It’s one hell of a question without one hell of an answer.
We have funerals for the dead, graveyards to go too, pictures to look at knowing that we cannot pick up the phone and call them. We cannot reach out and say I want you back, I need you, don’t leave me. It seems the longer you live, the more you lose in life the things that matter, some unexpectedly, some on purpose. I for one over the years have picked those I chose to have around me by their character, less than how they handle themselves over how they handle others. I witness the interactions, gauge their decisions, I judge. Yep, I said it, I am liberal, I am conservative, I am human. I listen, and am rarely comfortable unless I have known you for a very long time. There is no algorithm or test, just you, being you.
The best part of my choices is that I have opened myself to some of the most amazing individuals in the vastness of the known universe. However, it is the rare few that have stayed with me, over the short time I have been around this shitty world that has been the anchor, the rock, or whatever euphemism you want to use that has helped me not put a bullet in my head or slit my wrists. Others, the charlatans if you will, made me feel like doing the latter. The pure irony of the situation is that as open as I appear to be in public I am guarded, and the walls that I have been able to build around me can and are penetrated by the best of intentions of pure narcissism masked by beautiful faces and a predator’s teeth looking for a meal made of emotions.
I am coming up to my 50th year on this third planet from the sun and have been around this little blue marble named Gaia and have experienced a cornucopia of people the last half-century. So many have faded away with others coming back healed, heads down and arms open with the word sorry dripping from their pores. I have been there, believe me, I have been both the recipient and the initiator. The wounds of the skin, the bruises, the cuts, they heal cosmetically, but the internal wounds that tore at the soul are always unhealed and can be reopened with a careless whisper or online slight.
With power wielded like Gideon’s sword, people can slight and slice complete strangers online. When it comes to words, nothing is more powerfully discharged than that of multiple bombs ripping you apart as you read them. You change from these words, you absorb them into your soul, then lash out with anger and violence becoming the very thing you thought you hated instead. There is simply no justification for it. You will change nothing only setting up a causality that will eventually turn into a loop and add to a fire already stoked and fueled with enough fuel.
However, when the venom comes from those that you thought you trusted, the ones that were supposed to have your six yet colluding with enemies to tear you down its hard to stomach. Somewhat like a bad marriage or any relationship you look for ways to endure, to hold on, to make it better, it never happens and frankly it shouldn’t. You know this, so do I, I have learned that when it is over its over, and pretending it is all rainbows and puppy’s is just as toxic as the person or at times the people need to be excommunicated from your world. By staying in the relationship you create your own prison, your own solitary confinement of toxicity.
The online world matrix we have created seems like a cosmos within the world that God may have or may have not created, as always everything is up for debate, however in this case the leap is amazing to me. The desperation to surround ourselves with people who seem to be on the same wave length with the values as us yet are false prophets for their own endeavors can and will cripple you. I believe that we, when born, sign a social contract with one another to be good to one another. Have you ever watched babies or puppies play with one another? They are full of wonderment, a blank slate, no baggage.
It does not need to be this way I promise you it doesn’t. So, I ask you this, all of you, please be better, and make better choices. Hold those dearest to you, your family, the person there when you were down but more importantly the person who tells you that you are messed up, the person who would never leave your side and tell them that you love them and thank them. Encourage them and stand with them, lift them up and share the world with the good and the bad in your life but listen as well to the person, ask about them, their world, their fears, their concerns. You are not crossing lines and if you are then you are not as close as you thought.
Thank you for all that have stood with me, the women and men, when I call you answer and I will always try and reciprocate. Thank you my friends, my few, my happy few, my family.
#truestory
