I keep having these dreams where we bump into each other somewhere and our romance would spark up again. That all this torture and pain would amount to something great. But as I lay here thinking of you for the 10 thousandth time, I realized something. I am nothing to you. I am not a lover, not a friend, not a colleague. I am nothing. I am a piece of your past that you decided to remove completely from your life. It didn’t matter if someone talked to you about me or we bumped into each other. You wouldn’t have rewakened feelings that would eat at you until you had to speak to me again. You wouldn’t even look at me, you would look through me. I am now that unimportant to you. I was someone you once wanted to spend your life with, someone you wanted to marry. And now, I am an annoying reminder of your past, of who you used to be. I am nothing to you. It doesn’t matter if I was the last person on earth, I am dead to you. I am no longer an option for anything, friend or other; I am not even a consideration. I am nothing to you while you are everything to me. How long will I wait for nothing? How long will I put so much importance and time on someone when they put absolutely none on me? I wonder what its like not to love you anymore. So many people in my surroundings have had successful relationships with their ex’s. I wonder why I couldn’t be one of those people. I wonder why life couldn’t give us that opportunity, that’s second chance. And I know what you’re thinking: if you still love her so much, why don’t you try and get her back? Try and speak to her, see what could be? I won’t make the first step because it is not mine to make. In all the craziness that unfolded in the days you left, I’ll admit that I was wrong in not giving you enough space. I probably pushed you away past the point of return. But at least I can say I tried everything I could to try and save us, to give us a second chance. You didn’t even try. You never tried really. I was just a toy to you, someone there to use because you knew I’d do anything for you. And I let you humiliate me, toy with me, disrespect me because I was so blinded by my love for you. I guess love isn’t always perfect after all. How fucking sad would it be if the person I want to spend my life with would never speak to me again? I know what you’re thinking now: you’ll meet someone out there who will be better for you, who you will be so much more in love with. Someone who you’ll marry, she taught you what you wanted and didn’t want. But let me ask you this: what if I found my 1 person in this world I loved more than anything at the young age of 17? What if I don’t want to meet someone better, because to me, there is no one better? Here I stand, 3 years later, still loving this person and still seeing a future with them. I guess I’m a hopeless romantic, I can’t help but to hope. Love is infinite, and right now it seems that my love for her is infinite. Maybe her love for me is too. 99.99% it isn’t, but shouldn’t everyone keep hope alive even if there is only the slimmest of chances? Till next time, te amo para siempre mi monkey. I miss you a lot.