Nothing profound, just a message of love.

Coheed and Cambria — Made Out of Nothing (All That I Am) https://youtu.be/FjGlajD6V-Q

Today, I don’t have any gigantic leaps or heart-wrenching stories to populate your feeds. Just some updates, some requests, and some pictures to show that even at 7 months, HRT is a miracle worker.

The 2015 National Transgender Survey

First, I recommend that anyone that identifies as Transgender/Genderqueer/Non-Binary/Genderfluid/etc all take a moment and head over to the 2015 National Transgender Survey (http://www.ustranssurvey.org/). This is important. Your voice needs to be added and heard. It doesn’t matter in what stage of your transition you may find yourself. It all counts, and it is a lengthy process. At the end, it also takes a moment to ask for YOUR personal narrative. YOU. Share YOUR story on the national level and tell the world why it’s important that YOU be heard and why YOUR story matters.

I, personally, did not share mine for a couple of reasons.

  • I have my narrative here, and on my Facebook. It’s a work in progress, and I don’t feel like it’s that important to share mine on there when trans women of color are still being murdered, and others don’t live with the blessings and the privileges that I have. So many trans-men are marginalized out of existence, and so many trans-women are subjected to violence and intolerance. So, I opted to not share my story, but instead turn their eyes to the stories of those that have had a more difficult struggle and a harder path to walk. I can’t help the world all at once, but I’ll be damned if I can’t do my part to turn eyes and ears to those stories that NEED to be heard.
  • Honestly, I was doing the whole survey from my phone, and I was at work. I was experiencing a time crunch and needed to close up and get out of there. Is this a lazy cop-out answer? Probably. I can accept that.
  • I rather enjoy sharing my narrative here. Here I can think about what I’m trying to say and convey.

A quick reflection, and a shaky grasp on the temporal

At my most recent therapy session which I go monthly, and I highly recommend everyone get a therapist. Honestly. Go get one, and open up completely to them. Talk. Cry. Share. It’s truly cathartic and wonderful to just know that, for an hour, someone on this planet is listening to you and only you. Another way for your voice to matter, and for you to dig deep, open up, and truly find yourself. I digress, when I was there, we both had the realization that I had been going to her for a year now (8/5/14 was my first appointment) and that in that time I have made giant leaps and bounds in my life toward overcoming my unhappiness to making prospective career changes. Repressing my identity for so long had truly become the ceiling that I used to keep myself from advancing in my own life. Now that the ceiling is open, and the world is waiting, I feel like I can achieve great things for myself, and my future. The crazy part? It doesn’t feel like a year. It has flown by. My 30th/1st birthday is around the corner… and it just feels…surreal.

A photo shoot, that astonished me

Lastly, It’s been almost seven months on HRT. SEVEN. Again, how time flies. I took some pictures yesterday to further add to the timeline collection (That will be a later post. I’m thinking in January, to commemorate a full year of HRT. A full timeline of pics and updates along the way!) and for the first time in my life, I took a picture that A) I truly didn’t recognize myself, and B) caused not a single iota of facial dysphoria. I share this as a hopeful bolster to any and all: IT GETS BETTER. Through time, HRT, slowly accepting yourself… It will get better. ❤

Laying in a tree.
Apparently, only my face sees the sun.
Body shape. It’s getting rather hourglass-esque, which is impressive considering my ribcage.

I saved the best for last. I love this next pic. It just… It came out perfectly. I didn’t recognize myself. It’s just… her. It’s all her.

I’m sorry, but I would totally hit on her.

Even at your worst days, and after news of setbacks… take a moment to go climb a tree and just breathe. Wonderful things can happen. YOU can change your outlook and your life. You don’t need someone else, or a guiding hand. You have the tools at your disposal. I love you all, and I hope you find the beauty in today. :) ❤

~Desirae

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