Bipolar Disorder — Explosive Anger

Let’s talk about anger, rage and constantly being on edge, One trigger away from really hurting someone you love dearly.
It was actually the straight up explosive anger that started appearing out of nowhere, that made me realise that something else was wrong and I wasn’t just “depressed”. I started to notice it frequently in the summer. Things that would normally just annoy me a little end up becoming something that destroys everything. To the point where even someone trying to help because they genuinely care and want to be around me…WILL GET HURT. To others it will seem that it just appears out of thin air. But sometimes I just wake up and as soon as I open my eyes I can feel the rage.
I have hurt everyone around me, My best friends, my girlfriend, my own family, My mother. Sometimes I even see it as me emotionally abusing myself in the same way someone would self harm. But I choose not to vent out physically due to the fact that I am actually trying to improve my bodys health. But there needs to come a point: When is it enough? What can I even do? I go to doctors, I see a psychiatrist, I have my girlfriend even breathing for me to help me fall asleep. This Christmas holiday for me was incredible because I got to spend it with the one I love the most. But at the same time I can also say it was a nightmare because i fought with her on Christmas Eve the whole day and then picked apart anything that went well in the later days when my moods would change. It just doesnt stop. Anything that is good will eventually get destroyed by me.