I’m so sorry, Todd. Honestly and truly sorry.
I don’t know what to tell you other than that the grief never leaves you. It sits in hiding until you hear her song or see someone who looks like her in the supermarket. And then it comes back all at once.
But I will tell you it changes. The grief becomes a deep love- for her, for family, for friends and it is the greatest thing that she will give you in friendship and a gift you can never pay back; Only forward.
I will tell you that I don’t know what happens when we leave but I know that the love we feel in this life is too strong to simply disappear. And I know for every ripple her own pain carried out into the Universe, it was matched in waves of compassion and love that you and everyone in her life felt for her. And I believe those waves will reach her where ever she rests now. When they do you will feel it in your heart.
But I am so sorry for your loss.