Winning Friends in the real world- bringing Carnegie's Hypothesis to Life

Devyani bhati
4 min readApr 21


I’ve always been known as a social butterfly with a big network and tons of friends.

Yes! I am proud to admit that I am good at making friends but what’s the science behind it?

Well, It’s way too much simpler than one might think to complicate it. We, human beings, are all emotional creatures who want to be heard, cared for, and understood. Hence, it is important to build and hold strong relationships — personal or professional.

Making friends doesn’t have to be a hard logical decision. Rather it’s just about being human with the simple idea in mind of wanting to get to know someone else better.

I recently finished reading the timeless classic “How to win friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. With every chapter’s conclusion, I understood how human life is operated with simple basic principles, yet we just don’t realize until someone put it into words for us.

Well then, here we are. I am that someone who will do it for you.

I concluded the book in 3 parts:

  • Building connections 🤝
  • Putting your Ideas across and winning 🧠
  • Influence to earn trust, respect, and credibility 🫡

Let’s dig into each part… SUPERFASSSST ⚡️

1. How to let people like and remember you

We all want to be liked, loved, and remembered, don’t we?

Building likability and rapport with others can be as simple as:

  1. Smiling while listening or talking: A smile is a very powerful tool. Smiling in the middle of a conversation shows warmth and friendliness and also sets the other person in an ease mode to comfortably exchange ideas.
  2. Repetitively using names: Using people’s names is another effective technique for building a connection. By using someone’s name, we show that we have taken the time to establish a personal connection and value their presence. This creates a sense of belonging and respect and makes the other person feel comfortable and more open to communication.
  3. Remember, It’s all about them:

People like people who like them! And there’s no greater way to show fondness for another than to show some good old-fashioned appreciation.”

Be a good listener and ask open-ended questions to encourage others to talk about themselves. This shows that we are interested in their interests and helps us understand their perspective better. Talking about their own interests makes them feel important.

“Don’t criticise, condemn or complain, because criticism is futile”. Criticising others only damages their self-esteem and makes them defensive, and they will be less likely to see or work with you in the future.

“Share honest, sincere, and genuine appreciation”. People are more likely to respond positively to us if we focus on their strengths rather than their weaknesses. Find something positive to say about the people you next interact with them and be generous with praising.

And like I said, “Everyone likes to be heard 😉 🥂”

2. Winning people to your way of thinking

The art of persuasion and negotiation is a challenging one. But there are ways for winning people over to your way of thinking.

“Put their shoes on, and take them along for a ride”

It’s way more effective to not just see but also understands other person’s perspectives rather than imposing our point of view on them. This enables you to have empathy for the perspective and a willingness to see things from multiple perspectives.

Now is when this becomes a collaborative approach and you start to look for common ground. It’s all about asking questions and using logic to guide them toward their own conclusion, rather than just telling them what to do. Using examples to put your point across can act like a catalyst here.

Remember: Avoid arguments(at all costs). They’re rarely productive and often lead to resentment and conflict.

3. Influence people without arousing resentment

Leadership is not a cakewalk. This requires a lot of hard truths to be told.

So, how to be actually a good leader who leaves an impact without giving offense or arousing resentment?

  1. Empathy and understanding: By treating others with respect and dignity, regardless of their position or status, we can build a positive and friendly environment. This, in turn, opens door to sharing and receiving feedback constructively, acknowledging mistakes without any fear, and a strong medium of learning and sharing knowledge.
  2. Share recognition and genuine appreciation: Acknowledging and appreciating the contributions of others is a simple yet powerful way to build trust, and strengthen relationships. It helps to boost their confidence and sense of self-worth. And in turn, when someone feels appreciated and valued, they are more likely to trust and respect the person who is showing them that appreciation.
  3. Lead by example: When it comes to influencing others, actions speak louder than words. As humans, we tend to observe and learn from the behavior of those around us, especially those in positions of authority or leadership. That’s why it’s essential to lead by example and demonstrate the desired behavior we want to see in others.

To put my keyboard to rest and sum it up:-

It’s always about them, not you. Make them feel important and good about themselves to build a healthy and friendly relationship, no matter what stage you’re at in your life. This builds trust in your bonding and in turn, keeps you happy to hold meaningful relations in your life too 😊

Thanks for reading till the end 😇. Drop any feedback you might have in the comments or find me on Instagram or Linkedin. and don’t forget to clap. You can just hold the clap button to not forget that clap goes up to 50 👏.



Devyani bhati

Product Designer | Loves meeting people |🎵 Spotify & ☕️ Coffee FTW. Designed for @unacademy, @graphyapp, @getupraised, @TickertapeIN/@smallcaseHQ, @medlifecare