Am I done yet?
You’re tired. You have made it through 18 years of raising your children. Time to relax!! Wrong!! So when are you done parenting? Never! So if you have made it through raising your children to adulthood, how do you parent adult children? The following are four areas that I try to work on.
This is one of the toughest areas of raising children. As parents, we start out having complete control which can cause complete panic! Once we manage having control over an infant’s requirements, the struggle becomes relinquishing control as they go through different stages. We have to let them have the opportunity to fail without sacrificing their safety. The conflict between parent and teenager sometimes represents the parent’s inability to let their child succeed or fail based upon the child’s own decisions. We have to learn to not enable our children in adolescence because that will come back to haunt us when they are an adult!
As parents we want and even demand respect however we forget that children should have basic respect from us. Of course, there are rules that must be followed for the safety of children. If we teach our children respect, they in turn will respect others. We as parents need to be their role models and not their friends!
Ugh! This is one of those things that you don’t want as a new parent but you definitely do a complete switch when your children start to make their own life. Advice started for me when I was pregnant with my first child. People love to give advice to family members and even to complete strangers on elevators! The trouble with asking for advice is that once you ask, the other party continue with the advice long after the subject changes. Parents become so used to having control of their children that they continue with the advice whether it is asked for or not. Parents have to learn to give advice when asked and let the adult children make their only decisions even if we feel the decision is wrong.
Probably the most important trait that we can possess with our adult children is to be their cheerleader. They will make bad and good decisions in their life and it is important that we be their cheerleader without being judgmental. We don’t want to see them hurt but we have to let them make their own decisions and fail a time or two.
So, is this easy? Not at all! You will find yourself biting your tongue and exercising to reduce your stress. Just don’t injure yourself!! Learn to relinquish control at the appropriate moment. Always respect your children. Advice is not always warranted and always, always, always be their cheerleader!!!! Just remember that your children will be taking care of you one day! Karma!!
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