Dear Clive,

I have known you for a over 10 years now and I would like you to know that I have to stop being friends with you.

I know this may sound very harsh and I have done this enough for several friends over the last couple of years,

The thing is you have a child now and as you know I do not. You are married and you like spending time with her all the time.

You like to take holidays in the UK and going on camping holidays and not spending two weeks in a spainish town pretending to be English. Also I have notice that you no longer like having casual sex with random girls.

You have just brought that new six door adult car to take the kids to football practice and you never come with me to watch a game anymore. You kept on saying that it doesn’t matter who wins, it’s about taking part that counts.

Last month when we met up for our monthly beer session you turned around and said after every drink you needed a pint of water with every round and you refused getting some Sambucca.

The worst thing of all this with your family always around and you haven’t notice my new watch.

I know you are rocking out a iPhone 5c and its battered. But I have the new iPhone 7 Plus and I have the Apple Watch. I have dropped enough hints about owning one. I have sent you a couple of messages from it and I have used Siri on it for you in the pub quiz.

But no.

You just showed me a video that was filmed portrait that you took with your shitty IPhone 5c and you made me watch it on that cracked screen.



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