Why I Wore a Red Hot Chili Peppers T-Shirt to my Mammogram
I always liked Red Hot Chili Peppers when I was a kid. But unlike many of my Gen Y peers, I’ve never claimed to hate Red Hot Chili Peppers in adulthood.
The thing is, I liked and enjoyed the Chilis as a kid. But now? I fucking love them!
I credit Yasi Salek and her awesome podcast, Bandsplain. On Bandsplain, Yasi and a guest will research a band with a cult following, go through their career (and things I care about, like Zodiac signs and scandals) while playing not just the hits, but deep cuts and fan favorites. Some episodes can be as long as six hours (Hello, hello (Hola!), U2!) and others need to be cut into multiple episodes (Smashing Pumpkins, Radiohead, The Replacements).
On the RHCP ep of Bandsplain, Yasi was as joyous and excited as she’d been during episodes of some of her other favorite artists, like Dave Matthews Band and Pavement. Every Chilis song played, from “Out in LA” to “The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie” was punctuated with Yasi’s trademark “goddamn gorgeous banger” summation. Yasi’s pure, unabashed, gleeful fangirling was endearing and infectious!
And that’s when it hit me — Yasi is a fave podcaster of mine because she’s smart, sincere and goddamned silly! And those are the exact reasons why I actually love Red Hot Chili Peppers!
The Chilis are one of the silliest bands of all-time. Their bassist calls himself Flea. They’ve performed wearing nothing but socks on their dicks. And one of their biggest hits is a rap-rock ditty about wanting to fuck you, your mama, your papa and your entire goddamned family — and it was reworked as a Flintstones song by Weird Al! They’re a bunch of goofy-ass California Forever Teenage Boys! They’re pranksters and wanksters with mad-respected musical pedigree. Combined with frontman Anthony Kiedis’s Alternative Nation Fabio looks and effortless himbo charisma, they were made for MTV.
But teenage boys have feelings. When the Chilis get serious it’s, to quote Yasi, goddamn gorgeous. The first song I heard of theirs was “Under the Bridge,” an unlikely smash ballad about the loneliness of addiction. When I borrowed the Blood Sugar Sex Magik cassette from a friend’s older brother (shout out Big Joshie!), I was taken aback by two other songs that showed the Chilis’ softer side — “Breaking the Girl” and “I Could’ve Lied.” The former, a driving, sinister rock ballad, the latter a mostly-acoustic contemplation. Both songs pretty much are Kiedis Konfessionals, admitting to fuckboy behaviour (credit where it’s due!).
My all-time favorite Chilis tune, though, is “My Friends.” It’s a lovely, melancholy mid-tempo banger ballad with a Beatles-esque bridge. It’s another sincere moment from the Chilis, with Kiedis pledging to be there for his friends during dark times. How fucking endearing! And honestly, as a person with mental illness, oftentimes I’m in no place to reach out to my friends during my darker moods. Sometimes it helps just to hear a song about someone getting it.
This combination of silliness mixed with sincerity is a hella smart combination. I mean, it isn’t novel to RHCP. The Beatles could go from “Yellow Submarine” silly to “In My Life” sincere. Mariah Carey dresses in drag as Eminem in her video for “Obsessed,” but can bring you to tears when she tells you that “a hero lies in you.” And of course, there’s the band who may be even sillier than the Chilis — Barenaked Ladies. They’ve got their dorky-ass smash hits like “One Week,” and in the same breath, the lovely and contemplative “Brian Wilson.”
Because of the RHCP ep of Bandsplain, I realized these legends were a bucket list band. Last summer, I had an absolute blast kicking said bucket — my wonderfully generous friend, Frank, treated me and a few other friends to pit tickets for their Toronto show. From the opening riff of “Can’t Stop” to the final notes of “By The Way,” I rocked out, laughed, did some goofy dancing, yelled along to the lyrics and vaped, of course!
Red Hot Chili Peppers perfectly encapsulate my two modes. And that’s why I wore a Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt when I got my first mammogram a few weeks ago. A mammogram can be a very serious thing. Fortunately, it was just a routine checkup since I’m of a certain age.
I’d always been afraid of getting a mammogram. The idea of a machine clamping and squishing my prized breasts was dreadful. I mean, it hurt a little, but nowhere near as much as I expected. It was all very clinical and straightforward, and my results were thankfully perfect.
Wearing a Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt to my mammogram reminded me to lighten up. Mostly because I think they would have found it funny. I mean, the joke is that all of their songs are about California, but I think more of them are about being horny. And wearing their shirt to see a “titty doctor” is something I think they’d appreciate 😊
