How to HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS

A couple weeks ago I started a cleanse on the same day I started a Vedic Meditation training. I felt so proud of myself⠀
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I was going deeper in through meditation, and shit was coming out from the cleanse⠀
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On day 4 shit started to get intense. My body was super uncomfortable. I felt hot. I wasn’t able to do any work. My house was stocked with alkaline forming foods but I was craving something to distract me from my discomfort⠀
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I walked into the kitchen and grabbed this bag of pistachios and started stuffing them in my mouth, not out of hunger, but to push the emotions that were coming up back down. I had noticed I’ve been overeating for the last few months and now I knew why⠀
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I was hiding⠀
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So then I thought to myself, ‘I’m glad I get to go to meditation tonight. My teacher @lightwatkins has walked a similar path and feels like a brother or father figure⠀
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And then I got it⠀
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Father figure…but not father. My parents got divorced when I was 2 and I’ve been more or less disconnected from him ever since. No amount of trainings, or father figures could fill the wound of my inner child longing for his dad⠀
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Me as a kid

So…I called my dad. I told him about the difficulty I was having and told him I’d love to share about the trauma I experienced in childhood and how it’s affected my life. Not to make him feel bad, because blame and victim consciousness keep us stuck, but so he could know me. I asked him what his experience of the disconnection was. I told him I thought if we started to connect to communicate our feelings around the process, we could bring light to it and ease the burden for our whole ancestral line⠀

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He said he was open to having these conversations and would love to have them in person. He said he knew there was a lot of distance, him living GA and me living in LA, but it’s a different vibe when you can look someone in the eyes⠀
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I agreed and asked him if he had ever been out to California. He hadn’t, so I invited him out. He immediately bought a flight⠀
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I told him I’d help him find a place to stay near me and he said he thought he’d be staying with me. I told him that wouldn’t work for me bc of my introverted nature and that I needed time to myself to decompress from being out in the world. Since we didn’t know each other and this being the first time seeing each other in over 5 years, having that space felt necessary

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I didn’t feel nervous or anxious at all until the day he was getting here. My inner child was scared so I sat down for a long meditation. So long that when I came out of it I was late to pick my dad up. He was gracious about it and waited patiently for me to arrive⠀
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When I picked him up I took him to Erewhon, we smoked a joint in the parking lot, and ate some bomb ass food. He shared how excited he was to be there and how grateful he was for the opportunity to reconnect⠀
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We laughed when we forgot our train of thought bc we were too high, and shared transformative times from our journeys⠀
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Then we went back to my place and just chilled. He was incredibly present while we listened to music I’ve made.

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My music has been one of the greatest vehicles for my healing. This musical journey started in 2015 when I was making music with a woman I was dating at the time who helped me increase my emotional intelligence. She helped me learn to get in touch with feelings so I could heal. She is one of my greatest teachers in this life. Through our relating I learned how to love unconditionally.

In the first song we made together “Close To You” she voiced the deep inner realms that were so desperate for connection and love. Often in our relationship she was able to access and express things I couldn’t get to.

Our relationship was cosmic and epic, but that’s a story for another time. We’ll just say it triggered all the childhood wounds that were unhealed within me. After we shifted out of romantic partnership, I spent years processing our relationship. I made this song “Daylight” in the height of my suffering, and it really helped me hear the voice of my inner child looking for connection. I thought my pain and longing was all about her, and that was part of it, but a deeper layer was the connection I was missing from my dad.

After I realized the depth of healing I needed to do I started doing it. I took classes, I went to sound baths, did yoga all the time, started to meditate and chant consistently, and still utilized art to heal. The first song I made to consciously explore my childhood trauma is beyond words. Check it out and feel for yourself.

Shadowlands by Indigo Keys

I relayed my journey with that relationship and how it brought me back to him. After each song, he would thoughtfully share his experience of it and then ask to hear it again. My inner child started to feel safer just through his full presence. While I was growing up my mom was too busy working to be present with my creations and my dad wasn’t there, so just him being there was medicine⠀
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Over the next 5 days we ate great food, went to a 24hr Korean Spa, a sound bath, crystal shops, and a silent disco on the beach at sunset⠀

Silent disco on the beach at sunset for ❤ ❤ ❤

He told me about his dad, who died from alcoholism before I was born, and his brother who died from alcohol and drugs.

My dad as a child

I told him about my own struggles with alcohol and drugs but I was past all that now⠀
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We compared 23 & Me profiles and saw where we’re from in Africa. He showed me the work he’s done on Ancestry.com. He’s researched our line back to the 1800’s.

When I saw the hundreds of ancestors that I had been disconnected from, I felt a release of pressure on my soul. We healed multi-generational trauma. I feel more connected to the earth & my purpose.

One of the most beautiful things about the whole process is that my dad participated in the creation of this healing art. We recorded a podcast of us reconciling to spread the positivity, forgiveness, freedom, and love as far as we can.

I hope this has been heart warming and illuminating. Life is not easy, but it is simple.

We can heal our world by healing ourselves. Sending lots of love to you.

#HowToBeAMFLEGEND

PS — an interesting side note. A friend of mine saw my mom calling on my phone a few weeks back and noticed I had her name save as “Lisa Borders” instead of “Mom”. She remarked on it and I thought, ‘Yeah, that is weird’ so I changed it to “Mom”.

When my dad came to visit he called for me to pick him up from his hotel and shortly thereafter my mom called. Seeing “Mom” and “Dad” there touched something inside of me bc I had never seen that before. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them in the same place before. So…interesting is this healing journey huh?

I’m don’t know how it’s all going to play out but I know where my heart is and I’m going to keep walking the path ❤