Should Men Always Pay On The First Date?
Millennial Dating 2017.
I went ahead and surveyed more than 500 Millennial men and women on the touchy subject of whether or not men should front the bill on the first date.
I asked our members about their personal preferences, with one simple, direct question: “Should men always pay on the first date?”
Men and women in NYC from ages 21–35 seem to have totally different views on this subject, however, it’s still an interesting look at why.
Since launching in March 2016, Dine has seen thousands of people identify their personal preference on this controversial dating concept by activating Dine’s “My Treat” feature which displays a tag on your profile, letting potential matches know that you’re willing to pay for the first date…a quick solution in figuring out who’s paying.
Despite having features like this available to distinguish the paying arrangement, when actually on the first date, many men and women still continue to fall into the gray zone of how the bill should be taken care of.
Should the man always pay? Should the woman tip? Is going dutch the safest way? For online dating, many people have many different expectations so this controversy seems to really confuse first daters who are sometimes not always on the same page.
Dine’s concept is focused on going out to eat at restaurants and bars for a first date and therefore naturally became a hotbed for hosting this controversial topic. Dine’s users made great candidates for shedding a little light on the issue.
With gender neutrality and role reversal being a common theme of 2017, our first findings were very interesting in that single men preferred to pay for the first date (52% versus 48%). But what was even more eye opening was that ALMOST ALL WOMEN preferred that men also pay for the first date (72% versus 28%)!
“We are certainly living in a different age than our parents were. The traditional ‘social norms and expectations’ when out on a date are not really practiced by our millennial generation. But with all the controversy surrounding how men and women should work towards closing the gender neutrality gap, it was very interesting to find that the majority of both men and women still prefer the man to pay the bill when out on a first date. It says a lot about how deeply ingrained this old school dating custom is within our culture. With 72% of the women surveyed saying they prefer the man to pay, I think it’s fair to say this attitude isn’t dying out anytime soon, as many are expecting in 2017”, wrote Michael Tudda, Marketing Director for Dine.
Reasons for Dine users stating that men should front the bill:
Men
- “Having men pay for the first date, or any date thereafter, is merely a chivalrous gesture. An act of kindness and civility.”
- “To let the girl know he shows care and being responsible.”
- “Traditional values, chivalry isn’t dead!”
- “It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.”
- “It’s just being gentlemanly and showing that chivalry still exists.”
- “Men should pay because it’s a sign of masculinity, cordiality and duty! But not to be taken for granted.”
Women
- “I don’t follow dating “rules” per say, but I’m traditional in that I think the guy should ask the girl out and pay for the first date.”
- “Being gentlemanly.”
- “Not because I can’t afford it, more likely being gentlemen.”
- “Men should pay at least to impress the date and it’s just a gentlemanly thing to do. However, I don’t believe they should pay every date after the first date.”
- “If I’m interested in a 2nd date with the guy, it’s an appreciated gesture if he paid for the 1st. It tells me he’s interested and a generous person. I would pick up the tab next round. If I wasn’t interested during the 1st date, I would split the bill.”
- “I believe in tradition, I think it says a lot about a guy if he’s willing to pay on the first date. After that, it’s fair game for things to be split.”
As you can see from reasons provided, another interesting find was the common logic of reason both men and women Dine users shared to support their preference. Almost all these men and women stated their reason that men should always pay on the first date because it is too “be a gentleman” or to “show a chivalrous gesture or manners and appreciation” which highlights the fact that many forward thinking Millennials still have traditional first-date expectations.
Although most men a women prefer the man always pay on the first date, the common reasons that MEN SHOULD NOT PAY were also interesting and highlights that there are many millennial men and women trying to erase this traditional way of thinking:
Men
- “Imagine how many first dates one must go on to find that special someone. I still do for the most part but do not feel it should be the norm. I’ve spent so much money on dates with girls I’ll never see again.”
- “I think it’s a nice gesture, no matter who offers, but it doesn’t have to be a man. It sets an unfortunate precedent that can create future imbalances in a relationship.”
- “21st century, equality.”
- “If women want equality and to be paid and treated equally to men, they should also be willing to pay for a first date as well.”
- “It makes for an unequal relationship. Men have to pay for a woman’s time. Plus, many women only go out with men just for a free dinner or drinks.”
- “There is always this perception that men should pay because it is the “norm” or because that’s what you do as it’s steeped in tradition. But the truth is a relationship shouldn’t be bound by who pays. It should be about the experience! If you want to pay for your date that’s very nice, but it shouldn’t be a prerequisite for the second date!”
Women
- “21st century. Go dutch.”
- “Feminism.”
- “I think there’s different circumstances, if the woman invites him, maybe you should pay! Doesn’t hurt to go Dutch on the first date either.”
- “It’s 2017, who says they have to?”
- “If you’re meeting for the first time I feel the women should pay for her own drink /food on the first date.”
- “As much as I love a chivalrous man, it’s okay for both parties to sit the bill for neutral exchange. You hardly know one another on a first date, so why should anyone be obligated to foot the entire bill? It’s another story if the person is genuinely enjoying his/her time that the gesture goes beyond chivalrous to indicating that the person really likes you and had a great time. No right or wrong on this one. Preferably I’d split the bill on the first date.”
Overall, the findings were a lot more surprising than one would expect in 2017, New York City.
Download Dine Here:
About Dine
We designed Dine to solve a major issue we found among existing dating services. While all of these services allow people to mutually like each other and then start talking, there’s a big problem: all that hassle leads to an actual date only a fraction of the time! That means liking 100s of users just to go on a single date! Plus, it’s been shown that the average time it takes from first greeting to first date is usually around two full weeks.
