Events I Submit to be Considered for the Olympics

Image from Adweek (go figure)

Angrily Eating a Bowl of Puffins Cereal


Making a Thanksgiving Meal in Your Apartment Kitchen for 8 People and Their Significant Others

Pie Hurling

Endurance Active Listening

Dancing While Someone is Shooting at Your Feet

Cocktail Mixing

Competitive Eating

Twitter Fighting (Sponsored by Facebook)

Soda Taste Testing

Aerial Boxing

Power Napping

Sand Skiing

Ice Block Sledding

Groin Punching

Lean Cuisine Plating


Butt Modeling (Rugby would clean sweep this)

Passive Aggressive Compliments

Ikea Furniture Assembly

Hair Braiding

Dog Petting

Lawn Dart Throwing

Internet Discourse

Birthday Remembering

Sport Spectating

Shopping at TJ Maxx on a Sunday Afternoon

Checking Out Someone While Also Not Being a Creep

IT Support

Lipstick Appliance

Cthulhu Slaughter

Spam Reporting

Changing a Tampon Without Hating Your Lot in Life, Frankly

Ryan Lochte Impressions

Catcaller Skinning

Getting in Spanx Gracefully

Netflix Binge Watching

Harry Potter Chapter Recitation

Drinking Whiskey and Not Bragging About It

Food Network Show Commentary

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