Handy Form Letter for Misogynist Hate Mail Senders

Because you know you don’t have time to write all of that bullshit from scratch every time.

Dear [Insufferable Cunt’s Name]

I dislike the thing you wrote or made and then put on the internet for me to find. I really dislike it. Stop being a bitch and making and saying things I don’t like. It hurts my feelings and you are so greedy demanding your “safe spaces” and “trigger warnings.” You’re ruining America. Go Pissbaby.

You should just stop talking altogether because you are dumb. You are a dumb bitch and I hate you and your dumb bitchness and your dumb bitch face. All of your facts are meaningless. I know this because I know it. You cannot argue with me because I am logical and you are clearly on your period. Women and their EMOTIONS, amirite?! I am a renegade and I am brave by sending you this email from an anonymous account that uses Mr. Bean as the picture. Rowan Atkinson is on my side, dumb bitch, so you should stop talking. Feminists are so fragile that you are probably not even brave enough to stop talking.

Women are inferior to men which is why they are oppressing men by talking and insisting I not call them sluts and whores. CAN’T MEN SPEAK WITHOUT YOU INSISTING ON POLITICAL CORRECTNESS? LET MEN TELL IT LIKE IT IS!

[Something about her boobs either positive or negative but in both cases call her fat]

Do you really expect anyone to listen to you and your opinions? You’re just a gross girl with cooties. I bet you don’t even get how good Woody Allen is as a director! Bill Cosby was framed! KANYE SAID SO! You’ll never be good enough to be my girlfriend. I would rather gauge my eyes out than be expected to respect you. Go shave your legs and read Cosmo and watch the Kardashians and take selfies, Tumblrite!

[Obligatory line about sandwiches][Mention you can slice sandwich with your nippon steel katana]

[Add a rape threat so your buddies think you’re cool]

I think I have won this argument so HA! IN YOUR FACE! As you can see from all of my points, I am right about everything and you are wrong.

Sincerely,

[Name]
[Address]
[Phone Number]
[Picture]
[Twitter handle]
[Social Security Number]