Hi Charles,

So I’d like to establish some context for this piece for you and for anyone else but I’m responding to you specifically because you didn’t give me a 12 page rant about how women oppress men by withholding blowjobs (I wish I made that up and it was hyperbole but trust me, it’s not). As a Professional Feminist and Resident Lady on the Internet, I spend a lot of time fielding cheap shots (mostly by dudes in varying degrees of sobriety) demanding proof of rape culture and oppression towards women. I give them proof and they go “nah that doesn’t feel right, you’re a liar.” It’s a part of my job but it’s really exhausting because in my personal and private life I have to deal with men arguing with me about whether rape is rape, whether women owe men sex, whether women are as smart as men, whether women can contribute anyting other than being a sex thing etc. I have to constantly assure skeptical men that women are people. Like whole people. And it’s…tedious. This piece was a reaction to that weariness. I can talk until I’m blue in the face about how feminism isn’t just about women but intersectional politics about class, race, and gender and how toxic masculinity gives men disadvantages when it comes to interpersonal relationships and how most masculinity scripts are terrifying. Men in my life have really brought that forward to me and I think it’s really important and so does the feminist movement. However whenever I bring that up to the dude filling up my DM’s is like “look you can’t change gender. Society is all biological. You’re below me, cunt. Stop being a nazi.” and I can’t really do anything with that. It’s not a discussion, it’s just a fruitless fight where they have a fun time getting all righteously riled against the big bad feminist and I get to be harassed for another couple hours of my day.

I wrote this tongue in cheek listicle because I was fed up with talking to men who wanted to have “debates” with me about whether women are people. I cannot help those men. I am Grad School Feminism. Hence the reading list. It sounds like you’re very aware of women’s humanity and care deeply about the women in your life so this piece wasn’t written at you. Because you probably wouldn’t come trotting into my mentions shouting BUT WOMEN GET SCHOLARSHIPS at me and then declaring that men cannot resist raping women because biology. (again, I have that conversation twice a day every day. It’s like a really bitter lifting regimen). You don’t need to talk to me about feminism because you have access, interest, and probably empathy.

This list is a buffer in the hopes that it’s a launch point for people who want to know more and an enormous middle finger to Devil’s Advocates. You don’t need to read Betty Friedan to be a feminist. I recommend it because it really kicked off the second wave and it’s good to know our history but there are a lot more recent things that I included on that list if you’re so inclined. If not, that’s cool. Support the women in your life and listen to them and you’re doing your duty. Sounds like you’re already doing that.

Thanks!