C.J. Miles paid a girl to eat a sand sandwich


As far as I’m concerned, this is the story of the NBA off-season. Nothing sums up the amount of money being thrown around in the NBA right now more than C.J. Miles giving a girl $100 to eat a sand sandwich. I mean, guys are getting $10 million just for being able to tie their shoes. Timofey Mozgov is making $64 million! The NBA is just at an absurd level of financial freedom right now. Now that he’s in LA, Timofey Mozgov could pay so many people to eat sand sandwiches. LA would become a city of people just walking around with sand in their mouths.

Back to the sand sandwich in question, who chose the bread? WHOLE WHEAT! WHOLE WHEAT, C.J.!

Forget the sand. I would’ve needed 100 bucks to eat the bread alone. Throw in the sand and you’ve got a $150–200 sand sandwich in terms of market value. If it was on rye or pumpernickel or sourdough then I’d say $50–100 is a fair price, but whole wheat is basically the bread equivalent of sand and then you’re adding more sand in … it’s sand on sand on sand. Sand isn’t all that terrible to me though. Like I’d much rather eat sand than mayo. Mayo is abhorrent. I would need at least $250 to eat a mayo sandwich on any bread while I’d eat a sand sandwich for as little as $50 bucks depending on the type of bread being used. Could this girl have gotten more bang for her buck. I think so. A true negotiator would have pushed for some more, but mad respect to Caroline Hancock for getting paid by a professional basketball player to eat a sand sandwich. Few, if any, are in that elite company.

As for you C.J. … I’m going to do my Stephen A. Smith thing and pretend that I’m talking to you while looking into the proverbial camera … we need to have a chat. Come on the Schmozone. Talk with Divac. We can eat some sand sandwiches, maybe talk about the Pacers a bit but not that much ’cause … eh, talk about why you always get hurt when I pick you on DraftKings (it’s nothing personal, just business), and maybe we can even set some sort of in-game injury schedule so I don’t pick you on those days. It would be a blast. Maybe more of a blast for me than you — not maybe — definitely more of a blast for me. Oh yeah, and send our regards to Myles Turner, a Schmozone OG (original guest).


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