Thoughts | October 9th, 2016

It’s better to read and employ than to not execute action. The atmosphere is dense and it is hard to communicate. The stomach is flopping, my heart numbing, my chest waning and my lips’ moisture deteriorating. I have a problem with anxiety and especially fear. I want to do my best, I really do but the environment I live in has varying degrees of failure. I am still able to adapt but not to new, exciting and sudden circumstances. I want to try and communicate my ideas but it is hard when a safe zone is near. I want to be brave and say what I want to say as I am not a complete member of the Neo-Masculinism movement yet. What I do not have is ‘game.’ Game allows males to go after females however they choose. I have never had it. Throughout my childhood, I wondered how to make friends since I was always moving from school to school to school. But, the exciting parts were when I was so close to getting comfortable in a new environment that I would just shut down. Probably due to a hidden circumstance. Which happened to occur recently and is now affecting my judgement. I want to get a job, but it requires a lot of work and guided effort. Guided effort means focus. That is one skill I used to have, but now it no longer permeates about me. You can tell in my voice; it’s a low, humble but mumbly type of forced output. I hate it. I wish I could revert it to when I was a happy young boy. Reality is a pain because it affects those who help you more than you yourself. Life is meant to be written down somewhere, in a dark cubicle where our thoughts collide into millions of insightful ideas. But spite and passive-aggressiveness can get in the way of communication. It hurts the soul and tempts betrayal. I wish others could move on past things I already have but this is not so. So, the best question is to ask: How can I communicate my ideas to another without ruining the relationship?