“Why Marriage Scares Me … Divorce” — Views from a Millennial Original link
The average length of a marriage is 10- 15 years. 3.5 to 5 years is the average length of a stable marriage in the United States according to a study by cadivorce.com . That isn’t a long time compared to “till death do us part.” So what makes divorce such a “popular out” in the millennial generation? Is it the need for instant gratification? Or the ability to have instant satisfaction with one swipe of the finger? Let me share with you what divorce looks like to someone from the outside looking in.
According to Sound Vision , 2.3 million people get married every year. That breaks down to 6,200 weddings a day. That’s a lot of newly weds. Now when you think about divorce, you really don’t want to look at the statistics because let’s face it, they are terrifying. According to the American Psychological Association the divorce rate in the United States is roughly 40–50 percent. That’s half of all marriages and adds up to 1,150,000 divorces a year. To a person that would love to get married to my dream woman Daisy Ridley, it scares me, because how long would it take to become just another statistic?
Seeing a group of friends going through divorce is mortifying. Having them come to me and discuss their fears, how unreasonable their spouse is being, and how expensive it’s turning out to be simply because they had a piece of paper that verifies that they were legally bound in matrimony. It’s a sick to think about. For a limited time you are with the person you love and then the last thing you will think of is the court process and how you were fighting over the Ikea furniture.
Now I know there are more civil ways to go about a divorce. Mediation in particular is something that can save both parties a lot of money in the long run, avoiding litigation at all costs. The only down fall of mediation could be the attitude of the soon to be ex spouse through the process. It can be quick, or drawn out depending on how the spouse manages everything. Lets face it. We know plenty of divorcing couples that would rather jump off a cliff than be civil with the other individual.
Ongoing mental wellness and physical impact of a divorce can be more painful to deal with than the actual divorce itself. After witnessing the toll of my friend’s divorce I could see a physical change in him. He gradually was falling apart in front of my eyes and all I could do as a friend was just try to distract him through the whole thing. The once happy, hyperactive 25-year-old wouldn’t leave his house, gained weight, lost interest in activities, couldn’t afford to go out to find distractions, and wasn’t sleeping. The toll the divorce had on this man broke him down to the skeleton he once was.
So with all these facts what makes me still want to get married? I think the idea that two people love each other enough to dedicate their remaining days together as not only partners but friends is something beautiful. The picture of the American dream with the picket fence isn’t exactly my view of the perfect life, but the image of a united and strong household is something I feel is worth aspiring too.
I grew up in a strong and stable household. My parents have been married for 28 years and counting. They showed me that marriage isn’t easy. It never will be easy. I’ve witnessed the ups and downs of their relationship but saw how they took each situation one day at a time. As a 26 year-old unmarried gentleman, I’d like to think they showed me what marriage really is. So yes, the statistics are scary, the experiences I’ve witnessed are scarier, and I don’t exactly have statistics on my side. At the end of the day people will still marry, still get divorced, and still aspire to to find the one.
Let’s face it “Drunk in Love” is something we all want to be.
Originally published at www.divorceforce.com.